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Sunday, 21 December 2014

TEABAG part 21


Deep, deep into the underbelly they did not go for we have only just started this chapter. No, what they did do, first, was come upon the guard smoking a fag, (though not of course the Eton schoolboy kind.)
Arthur looked for Ruhtra to get them out of this situation but he was still misting. He decided to use his stun pistol instead. One fine shot and the fagged guard lay motionless on the floor. Looking at Sid he thought he would explain why he was taking this non lethal approach, “Well, they are officially supposed to be our allies against the giants.”
“Do you mean the football team?” asked the sergeant.
“We are not supposed to use futuristic cultural references, stop it!”
“Bossy boots.”
Arthur bit his tongue at Sid’s obvious insubordination. He looked at Plattington, “Drag his body away somewhere and hide it will you, there’s a good man.”
The corporal complied and hid the sleeping guard in a cupboard, though he had a little bother with the body and had to stand him up. When he closed the door he trapped the guard’s foot in it the first time.
The Colonel shook his head then spoke to Scubbins, “Now if you were a real dwarf instead of a small human then you could see in the dark down that long passage to help us out.”
“Or I could just switch the light on,” he said as he flicked the light switch on.
“Oh,” ohed Arthur, “you can take point then.”
“But you’re the leader, you lead.”
“I am much too important to go ahead into the unknown.”
“So you think.”
They heard a noise. Tresham commented on it first, “What kind of creature makes that kind of noise?”
“It could be ahead of us,” worried the colonel.
But Sid looked behind, “Or behind us.” he strode over to the cupboard and opened the door. The guard’s arm fell out, he was snoring loudly.
“Can’t you shut him up Biggs?” asked their glorious leader.
“Biggs?” queried Sid as he flipped the guard’s limp arm back in, “I think you’re getting confused, he’s not in this book.”
“Can’t you put some sticky tape over his nose?”
“I thought you said you wanted this to be a non lethal mission? If I do that he might suffocate.”
“Well can’t you put him back outside so that anyone who sees him thinks he fell asleep on guard duty?”
Sid then ordered Plattington, “Put him outside Corporal, and make it look like he fell asleep on guard duty.”
Picking up the slumped body Plattington complied. As he got to the doorway he saw both Chatteris and Ruhtra coming towards him.
“Here at last, right you two, help me pose the body as though he’s just fallen asleep on guard duty.” He plonked the body near the outside of the door.
“That’s beneath me,” snooted Ruhtra who walked through the doorway to the others, but Chatteris began to help.
“What do you think,” asked the private, “seated on a box, head resting on hand, fag ash sprinkled on the box?”
“Very artistic Chatteris, I’ll leave you in charge of the ... Catch us up when you’ve finished.”
So we continue to follow Plattington and leave Chatteris chattering and chattering in the cold as he set up the tableaux.

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