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Wednesday, 31 July 2013


Today I tried to play the car building game that I bought yesterday. The rules were too difficult to learn in the time we had to play so four of us played half a game of Monopoly instead, which was much more fun. I'll have to take an easier game next time. Didn't do any writing today, instead I sort of got wet trying to deliver leaflets. I'll have to take a raincoat next time instead of my over large umbrella. It rained for half of the roads and was dry for the second half.

Today's joke is:

What is yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard!

Tuesday, 30 July 2013


Nearly bought another joke book from the charity shop today, and the Indiana Jones Boxed set. Did however buy a Car Building board game and a Kings and Queens of England memory card set. As I sat with my wife in Mair's put the cards into the correct order and began to learn them again. I did used to know 'William, William, Henry, Stephen...' Then guess what. Looked at Horrible Histories on CBBC and they had the Kings and Queens of England song. I nearly know all of them in order now with just a couple of listens! Another coincidence?

Today's joke is:

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas!

Monday, 29 July 2013

Sid and Arthur's Steampunk Adventure

Today I managed to write 400 words of Sid and Arthur's Steampunk Adventure. I have done about 1,100 words so far. I think I'll get to 2,500 and put the first chapter on Wattpad. Did a parody names bit and also some planning/figuring out to see where the idea could go. I am thinking of getting Sid and Arthur to...

Today's joke is:

Why did the cat go to the doctor?

She was feline funny!

Saturday, 27 July 2013


I found out today that Wendy was a name made up for Peter Pan and Piccadilly means a high stiff collar.

I put The Victorian Adventure Society on Amazon Kindle for FREE today. Haven't checked the totals yet. Let me do it mid post. Hah, mid post sounds lit an extra goalpoast in a game of football, right in the middle.

In the top 6,000 whoot.-

But that was in America,

in the UK

Today's joke is:

What kind of fur do you get from a skunk?

As fur away as possible!

Friday, 26 July 2013

TASER iPhone

I have a blank piece of paper in front of me. Well, not a blank piece of paper but a very white blog page. It seems to be getting some words on. What shall I write about? Told someone today about the derivation of the word TASER (Tom Swift's Electric Rifle for those that missed my post the other day.) He said he was offered a TASER for £5 while he was on holiday in Turkey. It looked like an iPhone and made an incredible crackling sound. Neither he, nor I, felt like we wanted to buy one. So I then told him about that fellow who made fake bomb detectors in his bedroom and sold them for £10,000 each. It seemed relevant. What if the TASER was so powerful it killed someone (i.e. it had been made in someone's bedroom!!!) What if somebody picked it up and thought it was a phone and electrocuted themselves!!!

Now if it was Sid or Arthur then it might be quite good for a laugh.

Sid picks up Arthur's phone to ring Gwinda and gets electrocuted.
"Shocking!" commented Arthur as he sniggered at Sid's mishap.
"Well that was a bolt out of the blue," re commented Sid.
"I ought to charge you for using my phone!"
"Your comment was as fast as lightening."
"Lightning dear boy, not lightening. Lightening is something you do with your hair, with peroxide."
"Well at least I was keeping current with the topic."
Arthur shook his head and continued to read all the old posts on this blog, just for the jokes you should understand.

Today there will be no joke because what I have just written should be sufficient enough.

Thursday, 25 July 2013


The new royal baby is called George. My 25 year old nephew is called George. Did you know that George means farmer? 

I was thinking of some stories I could write with Sid and Arthur yesterday and St. George and the dragon was one of them. The dragon could be what we now call a dinosaur. Sid and Arthur could turn up in their capacity as Time Cops and ask George not to kill the dragon because they want to take it to a new theme park called Dragon Park. St. George could say something like, "Sure, as long as I still get to rescue the maiden in distress."

I wonder if he would have been our national hero if he didn't rescue the fair maiden? He was supposed to have been a Roman soldier based around the Mediterranean somewhere. 

Today's joke is:

Did you hear the one about the two rabbits?

It had a hoppy ending!

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Sewn Together

Have only re tweeted the people who have re tweeted me today, and a few regulars. Started to format The Sun Thief so that I can print it out myself as a book. Did you know, that with a hand bound book, the small booklets that are sewn together are called signatures? Also started to save my blog posts. Seeing as I gave up writing my diaries when I failed my teacher training in 2004 then this is nearly as good.

Today's joke is:

What's pink and smells?

A flamingo eating garlic!

Tuesday, 23 July 2013


Today my wife went to The White Rose Centre in Leeds, which was the site of one of the incredible coincidences that happened to me last year. Well another coincidence happened TODAY!!! I had just learned an author's name from the 1700s with my picture memory technique. I imagined a three headed William Riker from Star Trek, George Harrison and an Ashley Ainsworth. William Harrison Ainsworth wrote Rookwood with its main protagonist as Dick Turpin. About an hour later I switched the TV onto a programme about The Tower of London. Guess who wrote the famous book The Tower of London? William Harrison Ainsworth!

(Now I must make sure that when I see the three headed man I don't say he is Riker George Ashley!)

Today's joke is!

What does a queen bee do when she burps?

She issues a royal pardon!

Monday, 22 July 2013


Got told off by KDP today. Offered for somebody to review my book for a FREE copy and got told off!!! It seems as though I put it under the wrong bit of the forum. The other posting, exactly the same, did not draw fire. It is supposed to be allowable to offer a free book for a review but I seem to have hit a wall again. Oh well...

Today's joke is:

What do bees say in summer?


Saturday, 20 July 2013

Mr Fantastic!

Got a 4 star review for The Sun thief today "Fantastic Read!" said the bit at the top. I wonder if Mr Fantastic knows about that. Maybe I could print it on Mr Fantastic so that it becomes a Fantastic Mr Fantastic read? If I added a bit of fantasy it could be a Fantastic Mr Fantastic Fantasy!!! Do I need to carry on or are you being charmed by my brilliance? (or stupidity, you choose!)

Today's joke is:

Why do dogs lie down?

Because they can't lie up!

Friday, 19 July 2013

Article showed

I am very tired now and I haven't really thought about writing my blog. I have looked at a few articles on writing today. I saved them to refer to later. One said you can increase book sales by offering free software with the book. You go to the software person who is doing a free offer and then add that into the book somewhere. Another article showed you how to get ten reviews, you need at least ten to get into these book promotion schemes. So far I have 6 reviews for the 24, 5 from America and one from the UK. I wonder if that is 6 or only counts as 5?

Today's joke is:

What sits in a tree and shouts "I'm a pear!"

A crazy apple!

Thursday, 18 July 2013


So today was my 25th anniversary. I gave my wife the silver rose I made for her on Saturday. Still managed to tweet a bit and also got to #13 in the Amazon charts! Whoo hoo, it's amazing what two sales will do...

Today's joke is:

Why are goldfish like breakfast cereals?

They both come in bowls!

Wednesday, 17 July 2013


I got up to #31 today in the Kindle Store> Kindle eBooks> Teen & Young Adult> Science Fiction & Fantasy> Science Fiction> Steampunk. Need some reviews though, hopefully at least some four star ones!!!

Putting my stuff on Wattpad and getting about 100 reads a day, but this is not translating into sales.

Today's joke is:

How do chickens like to dance?

Chick to chick!

Tuesday, 16 July 2013


So The Sun Thief is out now. Come on people, buy it!!! Getting good reads on Wattpad but they need to translate into sales. For some strange reason I have gone up to #115 in the SciFi rankings. As I said before today is the anniversary of my Dad's birthday, and in two days it is my 25th wedding anniversary.

I think I may have to write an article soon to encourage those writers who languish down at the bottom of the Amazon rankings.

Today's joke is:

What looks like a werewolf and goes squeak?

A mouse going to a Halloween party!

Monday, 15 July 2013

Out Now! (nearly)

I have managed to proof read the whole of The Sun Thief. I needed to to get it ready for the anniversary of my Dad's birthday, the 16th of July. There were a few silly errors I had not caught when I read some of it in using my Dragonspeak package. I had also missed a paragraph out. I have put it on at Amazon as a a saved project to publish tomorrow.

Today's joke is:

What musical instrument does a bee play?

A hum-onica!

Saturday, 13 July 2013

How wonderful

My cat died today. Well not my cat. My daughter left the cats at home when she moved out. She also brought them into the home without my permission. Anyway, the cat got knocked down by a car and a neighbour saw it dead by the road. I had to get it back in a plastic bag and bury it. So only a little proof reading done today. Noticed a missing apostrophe. How wonderful.

Today's joke (I found it on the floor from an old Christmas cracker):

Why do cows lie down in the rain?

To keep each udder dry!

Friday, 12 July 2013

Anne Boleyn

Did a little planning and research for The Victoria Conspiracy (name still to be decided). Thought that I could link Anne Boleyn to the giants because of her six fingers. Read up about her, poor thing, it seems as though she was stitched up, like me.

Today's joke is:

Why did the flea live on the dog's chin?

He wanted a woof over his head!

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Director's Chair

I found a chair the other day. A student had dumped it into his or her garden to be thrown away. It was a director's chair and was torn down one edge. I have always wanted a director's chair. I knocked on the door, but no one was in. I parked the chair near the side wall so that I could ask for it when someone was in. Yesterday I saw somebody older at the house as I was driving past. So when I went to the charity shop earlier I went a little further afterwards and found somebody at the house, painting. He smiled and said I could have the chair. I walked up to another charity shop that was not open then started for home. I saw a friend I haven't seen for about two years. Now if I hadn't  gone for the chair and to the other charity shop then I wouldn't have seen him!

Today's joke is:

Why did the snake have a sore mouth?

There was a fork in his tongue!

Wednesday, 10 July 2013


Put my piece on for Wattpad about 5.30 today, still only in the top 200 for SciFi. Got another comment though yesterday which was encouraging. Only did a little proof reading today. Found out that my daughter lives near to where Guy Fawkes went to school, and also that it is the fourth oldest school in the world! About 627AD, St. Peter's York. Alcuin was one of the first headmasters, we also live near Alcuin Avenue!

Today's joke is:

How do you stop rabbits digging up your garden?

Hide the shovel!

Tuesday, 9 July 2013


As I was proof reading page 12 of The Sun Thief I changed a few minor things on it. Changed the description from a car back to a steamo. And some other things that were on page 13, I can't remember them now. I was concerned that there wasn't enough racism in my book, from the point of view of it being around and affecting people in a bad way. Somebody I spoke to today said that racism was different back then, it seemed to be more of a class thing.

Today's joke is:

What do you call a toothless elephant?


Monday, 8 July 2013


Today I didn't put my next piece of The Sun Thief on Wattpad until about 11pm. Changed a couple of sentences, I found out that the first car wasn't invented until 1885, this adventure is supposed to be about 1883-4. ReTweeted late and just retweeted those who had retweeted me and a few others. I have not asked anyone to read it yet for pre review, should I?

Today's joke is:

What country do bees like to visit?


Saturday, 6 July 2013

Da Da!

Managed to finish my steampunk goggles (sort of.) When I did the picture for the front cover of The Sun Thief I only used one gold tin, the other was the silver sample I made to work the design out. I put a piece of elastic on the gold one and balanced a piece near the other one. I stuck them together with Sellotape, (Scotch tape if you're in America.) Today I cut a hole in the silver one for the other piece of elastic and two holes for the nose piece in both goggles. I sewed the centre piece of elastic to itself and tied the other two pieces of elastic together. Da da!

Took photos of my grandson with them on and could not get my granddaughter to wear them, that is not until I said to her, as she wanted to go to the car with me, she could come if she allowed me to take a photo of her with them on. It worked, I now have 5 photos of her wearing them and smiling!

Today's joke is:

Where do beavers keep their money?

In a river bank!

Friday, 5 July 2013


Changed a few things when I proof read page 8 of TST. I had put "...of and changed it to "Of. Charlie wasn't really finishing a sentence but starting a new one. Tried to leave the sample on a cliffhanger.

Today's joke is:

What kind of animal falls from the sky?

A rain deer.

Thursday, 4 July 2013


Today I changed the cover over for The Sun Thief on Wattpad. Haven't changed the one on my blog yet though. Found out that York may in fact be named after a British King who Caesar captured called Ebracum. Also bought the 'London' board game from a charity shop for £1! (Need to coax my family into playing it with me.)

I am missing Sid and Arthur, I think I will have to continue their steampunk adventure some time. I have also thought about submitting a short story to the Forbidden Planet online ezine advertised on Wattpad. It needs to have not been published anywhere else though :(

Today's joke is:

Why did little Bo Peep lose her sheep?

She had a crook with her!

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

More Memory Techniques.

Seeing as my blog seemed to be so successful yesterday I have decided to explain the picture link method of memory to you. This should be good with shopping lists etc.

I will write a random list of 10 things.

Now then, LOOK AWAY! (You haven't looked away yet, good, because I wanted to tell you to try to remember the list when you have looked away! After you try to remember you can look back.)

How many did you get right?

Now to the method. You need to make a picture in your mind about the first thing on the list, then make this interact with the next item with another picture. So see a dog on a bicycle. Next link the dog to a bench. See the dog riding the bicycle and crashing into a bench. Then see the bench breaking up and reforming into a top hat. On top of the top hat you see some eggs in a nest. The eggs fall off of the nest and crash onto the roof of the house. A giant picks up a telephone receiver off the top of the house. As he is speaking into the mouthpiece a bee stings him on the lips. He swats the bee and it falls, dead, onto a chair. A man sits on the bee, in the chair and smokes a very big pipe.

Now try saying the list again, remembering the pictures.

I bet you got all of them right this time.

One added piece of advice, if you make the pictures in your mind unusual, mildly violent or over big or small then they are easier to remember!

Today's joke is:

What is the saddest creature in the sea?

A blue whale!

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Memory techniques

Soooooooooo.... Did some memory techniques to memorise a script I am learning. Used the peg method (I think I first started learning it when I was 13!!!) with the picture method. When I showed the picture link method to a friend, with a list of 10 things, and did it she called me a cheat! (I wonder if Harry Lorayne was ever called a cheat?) Brain feels like I've had a work out. Needed lots of naps to recuperate. I couldn't find my copy of 'How to Develop a Super Powered Memory' so looked at the one for FREE on the internet.

I have just reTweeted those who have reTweeted me and put the next part of TST on Wattpad. Nearly at 1,000 reads already! Caught one spelling error, I spelled Charlie with a small c.

Today's joke is:

How do you catch a gorilla?

Climb a tree and make a noise like a banana!

Monday, 1 July 2013

Steampunk Joke!!!

Today I worked all day on the new cover for TST. I Made up the gun and painted the handle so that it looked wooden (and possibly leather). I made a widget to go inside it so that the barrels would not fall out. I made one steampunk goggle and fitted a piece of perspex into it from an old cut up CD case. I used the other silver goggle with a piece of the CD case that didn't work out too well for the other side. Sellotaped them together. Cut a slot in the gold one and threaded some elastic through. Positioned the silver one at the back. Drew a rough, then an ink picture, in the sketch book my Mother-in-law bought me from the Lake district, it was of the world transporter machine. Set everything up, had to use my T shirt as part of the background. The picture looked really good, but there is a problem. Just over half of my friends on Facebook like the temporary cover!!! I was going to use that one for the release of the Victorian Adventure Society short story I was going to publish. What to do?

Today's steampunk joke is:

What's the difference between Victorian science fiction and Steampunk?

One's history that might have been the other hisses and makes a din!