The FREE Giveaway!

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Happy Pash

Typed in about 500 words today of The Tower, I have broken the 6,000 word mark, only 1,000 words to type in. Went to the park with my wife, son and grandchildren. Fed the ducks, the seagulls and the geese. My granddaughter called the geese big ducks. And neither my son or wife would believe the white birds were seagulls, even when they screed like them.

Screed, John Screed of the Havengers...

That comment could have been so funny on so many different levels, a bit like telling a string of jokes in a lift...

(Pash is what the early Christians used to celebrate before they compromised and decided to throw their lot in with the celebration of Astarte.)

Friday, 29 March 2013


Typed in 500 words of The Tower today. Felt ill though and went back to bed afterwards. It looks like I'll not get it typed in until Monday. No Easter eggs for me.

Today I heard that a pig farm burned down, I thought I heard some crackling.

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Poached Poachers

I typed in about 1,200 words today, some at home and some in Starbucks. I seem to written more of my books in Monk's Cross Starbucks than Central York Starbucks. Just pasted the last 300 words I've done so far into the document.

How do you make an elephant laugh?
Tickle his ivories.

That's if he still has them and they haven't been pulled out of his head by poachers. Poachers, maybe they should be poached, as in egg.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

The Lord of the Rings

I managed to type in 1,200 words of The Tower and added a sentence. I am half way through and might be able to finish it by Saturday.

Have been trying to think of what the next book of Kendra might be. I sort of had a dream, or was thinking when snoozing, about another daughter of his being brought into the adventure. But I don't really like that.
At some time Chelnuk is going to become too old or infirm to carry on and may return to the bosom, a bit like Bilbo going to the Western lands in the Lord of the Rings.

The Lord of the Rings, I wonder if Billy Smart was ever called that?

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Government Target

Typed in 1,200 words of The Tower in today, that makes a total of 2,250 words so nearly a third of the way through.

Today's news bit was how terrible Stafford Hospital was. So people must have seen how bad it was and how bad it was getting but still carried on trying to hit government targets even though people were dying through neglect. that reminds me of the joke I saw on Facebook today.

Government Target.
There was a traffic jam near the houses of Parliament. Somebody got out of the car behind me and knocked at my window.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Terrorists have taken over the Houses of Parliament and are threatening to douse them all in petrol if they don't get £10,000,000 in cash."
"Are you taking donations?"
"What's the average donation?"
"About a gallon."

Monday, 25 March 2013


Managed to proof read the last 4,350 words of The 24 today. Had some sweets and a coffee to help me do it, and half a Kit Kat. Sent it away to 8 Facebook friends for them to review it.

Tried to finish rubberising the bath today, but the silicone rubber I tried to use was two years out of date and had started to set from the outside in, so I only got half of the bath done.

Tomorrow I need to get on with typing in the Tower, and possibly the cover for one or both books.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Hardline Pro

Proof read 3,000 words of The 24 today. I will only have to do just over 4,000 words on Monday now. Wrote two little lists of all the things I want to complete.

Was playing Black Ops with my son today, we could not help each other do the Hardline Pro objective. He did it but had the wrong Keypad. I got close but died. We will try it tomorrow when we have rested.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Batman and Wonder woman

I proof read 3,000 of The 24 today, only have 7,000 words to do to finish it. Typed in about 100 words of the tower, that's 1,000 altogether.

I drew Batman and Wonder Woman with and for my granddaughter. She saw that Batman had some blue in his costume so the painted her Batman over completely in blue. He is now a boy in blue, not a vigilante.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Star Trek the Roots.

I managed to catch up on my proof reading and have now done 12,000 words. Have been thinking about putting on The Tower earlier at Amazon for free, but it means bringing everything forward.

Have just been watching Roots: The Gift and have spotted four Star Trek actors in it so far, LeVar Burton, Kate Mulgrew, Avery Brooks and Tim Russ. Maybe it is an episode of Star Trek where they have all gone back in time to play out Kunte Kinte's life. I wonder if Q had anything to do with it?.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

The elephant and the flea

So I typed in about 650 words of The Tower today. Also proofread 2,250 words of The 24. I have only done half of what I really wanted to do.

But I did find my elephant joke book.
There was an elephant and a flea who walked over a wooden bridge. When they got across the flea said, "We really shook that thing didn't we!"

I feel like that flea sometimes.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013


I managed to proof read 8,000 words today. Some chocolate buttons and music from Red Dead Redemption (Born Unto Trouble) kept me going. Also typed in 250 words of The Tower, I still need to find out the land it is set in, near Seir. I have not modelled any figures, I just have the start of one I did on Sunday to show my granddaughter. I now have about 8 people who have offered to review the 24.

The interesting thing today from the news was that they now have a computer interactive head like Holly from Red Dwarf. "It can say anything you want," is the selling point, I wonder if I can get it to read out one of my books?

Monday, 18 March 2013

Not April the first

I managed to finish typing The 24 today. Have also organised 5 people to review it for when it comes out in the middle of April. Now imagine if I had intended to release it on the first of April. People would think it was a joke!!!

Still haven't sculpted any more of the figures I need yet. Did try to repair the gap in the bathroom but didn't mix enough Milliput.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Soldering iron and superglue

I managed to type in about 1,250 words of the 24 today. Also started on a sculpted figure for the diorama that will help me draw or paint my cover for the 24.

Fixed my wife's lead for her phone today, soldering iron and some superglue.

Well I must keep soldering on. It's been a superglue day today.

And the Conservative Conference where David Cameron is still calling us broken Britain. I wonder why Margaret Thatcher didn't come up with that phrase when she broke the miners and caused greater unemployment?

Friday, 15 March 2013

Where are the grip levels?

This has nothing to do with today's post, it is just something I just overheard from Fifth Gear.

Today I managed to type in 1,000 words of The 24, only another 2,000 to go. I also finished the end of The Tower, about 47 words!!! I also put out a call for people to review The 24 for me for the 17th of April. I have had no takers yet.

What did the policeman say to the abominable snowman whom he found trying to steal a million pounds?
"No takers yeti."

I know its not very good but I have a headache and its late.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

The 300

So I did nearly the last 300 words of The Tower. It is sort of finished, just need a sort of epilogue. Read stuff about the origin of the name Nephilim to try to change it in some way for Kendra. Nephilim means the fallen ones, generally.

What's like half a cucumber?
The other half!

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Keeping it Real

Managed to burble off 300 words today of The Tower. Found out there is at least one film with the same name. Kendra is in a precarious position. I may be able to finish it tomorrow. Also managed to type in 500 words of the 24.

So the title, Keeping it Real, has nothing to do with tonight's post anyway. I suppose I could make it to do with tonight's post? It is like storing the band, The Real Thing, in a jar = Keeping it (in a jar) Real (Thing.) Now look what you've made me do, come up with something really contrived!!!

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Get it Right

Have written just over 500 words of The Tower. Also figured out where I need to start typing in the end of The 24 and typed in about 50 words. Looked at my drawing for the cover for The 24 but I really need to make a model or diorama to get it right.

Now when I was in Starbucks earlier my wife asked if I had done my tweets and if I had written my blog. I said I couldn't write my blog because I hadn't finished my writing yet. So I sort of wrote the blog saying I had done 400 words, but while I was in the shop I wrote another 100. So I have changed it now.

Watched a good programme yesterday about Ken Dodd, he was in bookshops looking for jokes and joke books!!! (I wonder if he will come across any of mine?)

Monday, 11 March 2013

Fortunate Mishap

I wrote 500 words of The Tower today, even though it didn't flow as usual. I have hit the 6,000 word mark and expect it to be at least 7,000 words.

Our car broke down. My wife found it with only 1 mile of petrol in it. I tried to blame her (I had only used it to pick her up from work.) Good job it did though because we found something that needs fixing. A fortunate mishap? that sounds like when you lose your Kindle and find the house keys you had been looking for for a month (then find your Kindle the next day!)

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Free time

I didn't do any writing today. I did look at the last page I wrote yesterday though. Found out I had a FREE weekend of Xbox internet time!

Only when I Arth 14 got to number one in the Amazon charts!!!!!!!!

(In Japan!!!)

Friday, 8 March 2013

Mr and Mrs Mark.

So I have been to Leeds today. Wrote 250 words of The Tower there then another 350 when I got back to York. I think it will run to more than 6,000 words, I am only on floor 4 and there are still 3 more they have to battle through. 

So far only one head has been cleaved open. A good few arrows have hit their mark. Hit their mark, sounds like Mister and Misses Mark beating their son.

For some strange reason I sold more books today than I did last month but not over Christmas? I even sold a copy of The Lies We Teach Our Kids. 

Thursday, 7 March 2013

FOA 5 finished

Managed to write 1,150 words of The Tower. They have killed another giant and Kendra has looked into two upper rooms. It may stretch to longer than 6,000 words. I also managed to load my picture from paint into Paint shop Pro 7 and turn it into a grayscale picture. I could have saved hours of redrawing if I had done it earlier!!! So now OWIA 14 and Factory of Androids 14 are on at amazon. At last!

A woodworm walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender?" (Boom, boom!!!)

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Sow Day

I didn't do any writing today. Just worked on the cover for OWIA 14, it's still not ready. :(

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Elephant Fleas

Wrote 800 words of The Tower today. They have killed everything up to level three. Also researched the Nephilim on the Internet. The current thinking is that the giants that the Israelites
saw first in the Holy Land were 36 feet tall, based on the size of the grapes! Also Barak Obama, Angela Merkl, Sarcoze etc have all been to Afghanistan to see the 5,000 year old space ship/time travel device. And this is all before April the 1st. I wonder if the soldiers who vanished into time
while trying to dig the thing up will ever come back?

Watched Frank Gorshin on YouTube. He was the Riddler in the 60s Batman. What's the difference between elephants and fleas? Elephants can have fleas but fleas cannot have elephants!

Monday, 4 March 2013


I wrote 470 words of The tower today, with what I did extra on Saturday that means I am half way through now. They have actually got in to the bottom half of the tower. Did it in the back garden on the table, it was too cold really and I keep sneezing now. My sons fingerless gloves were not warm enough and my cup of tea soon cooled off. Still haven't finished the cover for OWIA 14 although I did work on it.

A person clipped my wing mirror today YB1O 3ULP I think. It has been clipped 3 times this year. Since we have lived here we have had the wing mirrors on our car broken at least ten times. They can see, or hear, that they have clipped or broken it but they don't stop. One fellow who did it was a driver from Viking Kitchen, he's done it twice and hasn't stopped either time!!! Maybe I should clip his pizza and say I never touched it (If that makes sense or is even funny :))

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Keep Calm and Amazon

Wrote about 400 words of The Tower today, it is nearly half way through (and they still haven't got to the tower yet!) I was babysitting my one year old grandson in McDonalds while I was writing it, good job he was eating so slowly, it gave me a chance to finish it.

Today one of the news stories was of how Amazon had let a T shirt phrase generator create shameful phrases. One of them was Keep Calm and Kill Her. We have been told that it was an evil computer that generated it. Amazon should vet their computers properly so that evil ones don't get to work for them. Now when I created my Keep Calm and Tidy for my Facebook friends I only got two shares! I thought tidying would make some people calm, but not enough of my friends thought so. (Does tidying calm you down?)

Friday, 1 March 2013

Next weekish

Wrote 600 words of The Tower today. If I keep on target it could be finished by the end of next weekish. Did a little of the cover for OWIA 14, I don't know whether to put it on and change the cover afterwards.