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Sunday, 25 December 2011


Have not been sleeping well since I found out that my Aunties had judged me unfairly at my father's funeral. So didn't really sleep last night and was ill today. Woke up at 1.00, put the potatoes on. My wife came back from work at about 2.20. Unable to afford Christmas so we just gave each other token presents until January. I shut my finger in the door, it really hurt. Had a headache, I think I have a cold or rhinitis at least. Got some nice presents off my daughters. Had another Christmas lunch at my brother-in-laws. While I was waiting to watch the video wrote 200 words of TDO chapter 6. Only another 700 or so to go then I am half way through. I wasn't planning to write anything today but felt better because I have.

Friday, 16 December 2011


I finished typing in chapter 4 and 5 of The Detective One on Wednesday. Also did 750 word revision of Kendra. Am trying to do 1,000 words a day and type in 1,000. Finished the poem for the science fiction poetry competition.

Friday, 9 December 2011


I have finished chapter four of The Detective One. Have Added prose to the first 7,000 words of Kendra. Wrote half a poem for the science fiction poetry competition on Wattpad. I now have nearly 3,300 followers on Twitter. Am finishing the scene between Biggs andAlf in the library today. Have already started thinking about the seventh book in the Arth series, it is going to be set in the horror dimension. Therefore the sixth book will be set in the romance dimension. The Romancing Stone? Ideas on a postcard...

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Ripped off!

Entered a draw from a Youtube advert and it said I had joined a prize club and was taking £4.50 off me from my phone!!!

Am on chapter 4 of The Detective One. Also checked through Kendra, the first 1,000 words and added some more prose and description (did it while at Morrisons getting the shopping.) Wrote a short piece 'Interview with the Author' and put it on my website. I Twittered it but cannot see the total visits yet because the stats program only updates once a week!!!

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Publishing on the Kindle

Managed to finish the cover of Ground Hog War yesterday. Had problems trying to upload it to Amazon today. I either got the pictures right and wrong formatting or right formatting and no pictures. Figured out that I needed to change the paragraph formatting and take the two spaces out before each paragraph. It now works!!! :)

Will need to type in another 200+ words of The Detective One for 12 tonight. Wrote about 200 words today. It was my sons birthday and we went to Morrisons for a meal.

Thursday, 17 November 2011


I have proof read up to chapter 10 of Ground Hog War. I have created 12 chapters out of the 13 because one of the earlier chapters was only 1,000 words long. I have fully typed in The Detective One the first chapter, it is 500 words longer than I usually make them. I looked at my drawing tablet again and it does not work very well at all, I probably need a better driver. So I started to copy a Churchill AVRE by using paint. I will use the other paint program to blend the colours when I'm finished. I, I, I, I, I, I love I very much.

Friday, 11 November 2011

Chapter 10

Typed in rest of chapter 9 of Ground Hog War last night. It is about 1,000 words short so I might abut chapter 10 onto it. Put part 3 of The Detective One onto Wattpad, it is the 5th book in the Arth series. Managed to hand write most of the first chapter. Hoping to get chapter 10 typed in today.

Monday, 7 November 2011


Finished the 5,000 word short story Paradox Jones for the Forbidden Planet Smackdown. My wife was confused by it but my daughter loved it. Maybe because it's got cats in it. Have had 100 reads already. Need to get on with the rest of GHW chapter 8 then just 9 and 10 to type in.

Friday, 4 November 2011

Cats on the cover

Wrote about another 1,000 words of Paradox Jones. 3,000 words so far. Need another 2,000 by Tuesday. Put the first 1,000 words on Wattpad and rustled up a quick cover with Charmaine's cats on the front.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011


Typed in about 300 words of my short story for the smackdown on Wattpad. Typed in chapter 6 and some of 7 for GHW. Sorted out the end of chapter 6 at the church in Leeds this morning. Printed out Paradox (working title) to look at tomorrow during my daughter's theory driving test.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Whole Day

Typed in rest of 13th chapter and rest of chapter 2. Sorted out other chapters. Joined Skillpages and applied for a job writing a WWII time travel novel. Hang on a minute, isn't that what I have just done? Seemed to have lost chapter 3 but found it with chapter 4. Naughty chapter 3. So far I have typed in chapters 1, 2, 11, 12, 13 and Epilogue completely and bits of 3, 4, 5 and 8.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Sorting out

I have sorted out chapter 11 and the last chapter and most of chapter 12. Chapter 12 is very long and I need to tie lots of fragments together. Created and printed out cards (paper leaflets really) of the cover of The Crying Pennant and put details on the back of where to find it. Gave 3 away to the staff in Sainsburys. I don't know whether to put the Smashwords link on as well.

Friday, 21 October 2011


Did a little addition to Krunk the barbarian for #flashfriday. Typed in 250 words of GHW on my wife's iPad and sent it via email. Started to plan the cover of GHW, in McDonalds on the A64. Plan to do a sort of Victor comic book style. A tank (manned by Arthur and the others) and a weapon wielding Feldwebel. Also started thinking about the 5th book in the series.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

The Ending

Typed in four pages of chapter 12 of Ground Hog War. Had a terrible lay in thinking about how to finish the ending. I think I know what to do now but it doesn't seem very exciting. I am going to walk into town today to get my son's application for a bus pass. I'll take some paper with me and see what I can write. Not enough money for a coffee so I might just go to the library.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Sittin' in a coffee shop (thinking what to write)

I wrote about another 800 words of Ground Hog war and finished chapter 12 (which is extremely long) and will probably need to write another chapter to finish the story, so started that. Wrote a bit more to Krunk the barbarian last night and will probably put that on for a #writerswednesday. Managed to type all of chapter 11 in on Friday and most of chapter 12 that I had written on Saturday. Over 11,000 words typed in about 14,000 to go. At the minute it looks like a true time travel jaunt with characters appearing for no reason caused by me typing part chapters in. I wonder how many people I would confuse by selling it as it is, typos and all?

Had bigger problems with the car. Found out we have a water leak from the back of the engine. Let's hope the mechanic can fix it tomorrow. So bus time until he does.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

The Gold Raid

Have written the next bit of The Black Goblin but it isn't funny enough yet. I wrote over 500 words of GHW yesterday, I have nearly finished the book. On Saturday I put everything together I had typed and have done about 10,000 words.
 Had breakfast a tea and a coffee at all Hallows. Chatted to Brian about Cromwell. Got the CSI board game from a charity shop. It might give me some ideas for the next book, in the cowboy/detective dimension.

Thursday, 6 October 2011


Went to the Christian cafe at All Saints. Wrote 200 words of TBG while at my daughters (dedicated it to her on Wattpad.) Twittered and tweeted when I got home. Watched episodes 11 and 12 of Warehouse 13. Wrote 220 words of GHW and 100 words of tomorrows TGA.

Sunday, 2 October 2011


I wrote 300 words of GHW on Friday. Walked round Leeds with my son and looked at the games shops. The Christian bookshop has closed down. On Saturday went to the Board Games Club. Lost my hat on the way.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Strange Coincidence

As I was eating my lunch in the car, in Leeds, waiting for my wife I was listening to the Radio 4 North/South quiz programme. They were asking 4 questions and you had to guess how they were related. The first was a line from Jerusalem the hymn. The second was a song by Roxy Music, which I knew, cannot remember the third but the fourth was a line from a Laurel and Hardy song. As they were discussing the answer I knew that Roxy Music sang Avalon from the song clip. I thought, "Shall I write a piece of fiction about Avalon." It turned out all the answers were Avalon. I just happened to look over the road from where I had parked and, I saw the sign for the Avalon Hotel which was across from me!!!

Managed to write 500 words of GHW yesterday and 200 words of TBG and wrote a Time Backwater short called Avalon. I have only written TBG today. I now have 1,035 Twitter followers today.

Sunday, 25 September 2011


Wiped off excess of me following unresponsive Tweeters over the weekend. Now have 200 more following me. Wrote another 400 words of GHW chapter 11 on Saturday. Gave a coffee girl my book title and name to check out the first chapter of the Crying Pennant on the Kindle.

Thursday, 22 September 2011


I put The Black Goblin 6 on Wattpad today. I had typed it in last night. Walked to Starbucks and had a very large coffee. Wrote about 550 words of GHW and 450 words of TBG. Couldn't figure the end of TBG out until tonight, after I watched 'the Last King of Scotland'. The Last King of Scotland did not inspire me, I was just able to come up with a better punchline that linked it to the previous paragraph. Walked through the food festival on the way home and got a lift with my brother-in-law.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Back On

At last our Internet is back on. I managed to get my stories on Wattpad but didn't get to do my blog. I have had over 2,000 reads on Wattpad for The Goblin Adventures so far. I put part 5 of The Black Goblin on this morning and the next bit of TCP. Am on chapter 10 of GHW and might be finished at the end of the week. Put GSM on Smashwords at the weekend and had over 150 reads in the first 24 hours. Still need to convert reads into sales of The Arth Series. Not enough people have Kindles.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

No Internet

My internet is off at home until next week so I am having to use the library to do things internet related. Put all the stories on today and wrote 200 words of Kendra FF.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


Took my son to college today to do a test. I sat in Tesco with my wife and wrote 350 words of GHW, 100 words of today's GSM, 300 words of tomorrows GSM and 70 words of a blurb for Kendra.

Later on I proof read 3 pages of Kendra.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

TCP on Wattpad

I proof read to the end of chapter two of the Battle of the Dragons. Also proofread the first two pages of Kendra. Started to use my own face as a template for the front cover of Kendra. My wife still hates it. Wrote about 230 words of GHW in garden while having a cup of coffee. Took some paper to Sainsbury's but didn't write any. Put the first 1,500 words of The Crying Pennant on Wattpad and about 60 people have read it already.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

On Again!

I managed to post a blog at my up and running again website Published Time war 5 and GSM 6 onto Wattpad. Had a bath and wrote about 200 words of GHW. Went to Scarborough with some of the family, met daughter and granddaughter there and had a meal at Boyes. Wrote about 400 words of Goblin Space Marines there. Went to Space Myth And Magic and saw Ian there, discussed books with him. At Costa Coffee I wrote another 100 words of GSM. At daughter's caravan site I wrote another 100 words of GHW and about 200 words of a Kendra flash fiction. Saw friend on the way back from Scarborough.

Monday, 5 September 2011


Wrote 200 words of GSM in bed. Wanted a better joke for the end so I reused one that Martyn Shenstone had helped me with when I wrote my sit com. Typed it in about 3.30. We need to go to York college to get my son's application in. When we go for a drink at Tesco I shall try to write 500 words of GHW. We watched an Inspector Wexford Mystery, a Last Detective and I watched a Poirrot one on my own last night. I started to come up with ideas for the 5th book in the Arth series. I was thinking of basing it in the Cowboy/Detective dimension. There would be some kind of murder for them to solve and a lot of references to detective novels and TV series'. But how to make it so that the dimension's history is full of cowboys and detectives?

Saturday, 3 September 2011


Yesterday managed to publish the 200 words I had put on Wattpad the night before. I was also in the attic yesterday raking boxes out to try and get my other PA speaker. I now have more space in the attic! I then had to get the other speaker and amp from behind the door. Had no leads so walked to Bulmer's to get two adaptors and a jack lead. Felt worn out so rested a little while I tried to put some more tunes on my MP4 player. Daughter came to pick PA gear up. Mother-in-law took me to party. Danced to a faster record than I wanted and got worn out. There was a scene over the payment of the hall at the end. We think we may have been scammed! When I got home at about 1 o'clock I put rest of Goblin Space Marines on Wattpad. Am hoping to do another 500 words of GHW today then chapter 7 may be finished!

Thursday, 1 September 2011


It was my daughter's birthday yesterday so I managed to type in what I had written at Sainsbury's and publish it on Wattpad then Tweet it. Wrote today's piece yesterday as well but wanted the punchline better. I am still not satisfied but published it anyway. Also wrote about 500 words of GHW yesteday as well, it is a little funny. Watched Premonition last night, it is like a cruel Ground Hog Day. Also insulted my web site administrator while trying to joke too much, a fault I seem to have. I hope he will put my website back up!

Tuesday, 30 August 2011


Smashwords is down. I like to check my totals of my three books on Smashwrods in the morning. Good thing for Twitter letting me know what's happening. I want somebody to talk to on Facebook to inspire me to do the next bit of Goblin Space Marines. Had 725 people read it on Wattpad, but am actually going down in the hotness factor!!! Found out a chunk of Battle of the Dragons is missing, need to search for the printout I made. The post lady was knocking on the door and I didn't hear her because I had the radio on in the kitchen. When I switched it off heard her putting things through the door. She couldn't fit the larger parcel in and needed a signature.

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Re Tweet

Re tweeted and got a couple back. An extra 125 people have read The Goblin Adventures on Wattpad. Put a sample of The Crying Pennant on Good Reads. Felt dizzy and couldn't go with my wife for a coffee. Played a little more of Dragon Age when I got up. An evil little fly disturbed me from my dizzied sleep.

Friday, 26 August 2011


At last I have finished the Battle of the Dragons cover. I did about 350 words of GHW and typed 150 in. I wrote 500 words of the first part of a new flash fiction serial Goblin Space Marines. I Twittered it it Fridayreads and flash Friday etc. Had a bad nights sleep because of the stress of yesterday. Watched Marine at night. Warehouse 13 part 7 is still not on.

Thursday, 25 August 2011


Wrote 300 words of The Goblin Adventures and finished it off. Published the full thing on Smashwords and have had 65 reads and 14 people download it. An enemy commented on it on Wattpad, which is upsetting but expected in the grand scheme of things. Wrote about 350 words of Ground Hog War. Did the rest of the B, two t's and an l for Battle, I'll finish the cover tomorrow.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Still Down

The website is still down. I wrote about 230 words for TGA yesterday. I am coming to the end of the story and will publish it on Smashwords when I have. Did about 100 words of GHW. Also did 3 letters for dragon and typed in 2 pages of GHW. I think I will do a bit about a sleeping policeman today but then again that might be longer than 200 words so I may use it tomorrow. I need to start working on a front cover for Kendra so that I can put at least the first 100 pages on the Kindle as the first book of Kendra. I have started making up names for the Space Marine goblins from book 2. I will do a serial about them next.

Saturday, 20 August 2011


My website appears to be down. I managed to do two more letters for my dragon title yesterday. I will try to finish at least the dragon word today and hopefully finish TGA off. Got a nice review for TGA and it was suggested that I advertise it as a children's story. The reviewer's 9 year old brother really enjoyed it.

Friday, 19 August 2011

Ice lolly or lolly ice?

I wrote and uploaded 200 words of TGA yesterday and also managed to write about 350 words of GHW. I wrote 502 words of TGA today but couldn't put it on straight away because Wattpad are updating their servers. I say lolly ice but my wife says it is ice lolly so I have used that in today's piece. I would like to write another 500 words of GHW today and maybe that will finish chapter 5. I need to do at least one letter for the Battle of the Dragons cover. I think it is now coffee time where I will sit under the parasol and try to figure the next bit of GHW out.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Do Squink Ink?

Ate with my wife at Morrisons. Wrote the last 200 words of today's piece. Managed to writ 300 words of it yesterday and 315 words of GHW. My parasol blew over yesterday, the very reason I had to fix it in the first place, but it is ok. My dragon is finished now have to do the lettering, both large enough and hollowed out which will take some time.

Monday, 15 August 2011

Paradoxed Delight

I wrote about 250 words of GHW. It started off as an ideas session then turned into a paradoxed delight. Tried coffee with sweeteners, YEARGH! The neighbour was shouting so listened to the radio on my mobile phone. Then typed in 170 words of TGA that I had written on Saturday. Mowed the grass. Listened to Professor Elemental rapping Vs The Gentleman Rhymer. Think the Prof was outmatched. 

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Hunting The Cat

Yesterday I managed to get the box out of the kitchen and tidy up a bit for my friend bringing the washer. The cat broke the skirting board near the rotten bathroom door in the kitchen because he had got into the space between the stud partition. Tidied up near the awning. Wrote about 2 handwritten pages for TGA, the first bit was ideas. They finally try hunting some squink! The washer came about 4.30. I cut my finger near the knuckle. I had to get the old one out of the back garden and manoeuvre it down the passage on my own. I have thought about trying to finish my dragon today. 

Friday, 12 August 2011


I typed in what I did last night and saved it on Wattpad so that all I needed to do today was to publish it. Put the second part of the IPP Time Code on Wattpad and it didn't do it straight away because they were updating their servers. Wrote about 215 words of GHW and had to research about pyramidology. I had remembered something from Barry Smith but found out that it does not pan out the way it should. So his pyramidology bit has been debunked. I have still used a variation of it in the story though.

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Cappuccino attachment

Managed to write up the idea I had for the next bit of The Goblin Adventures and post it before I went to Norton. Wrote a bit more on my laptop then a little on the back of a flyer from the Star Trek magazine. My new word is quinteemerable and I explain it in the story. 

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Can I have some Cheops for tea.

Typed in the next part of TGA. Managed to write another 400 words or so for Thursday’s bit. Had multiple coffees and managed to do about 200 words of GHW. I managed to type/read in 500 words of GHW yesterday. I now have 3 votes for TGA on Wattpad, hooray! Have been thinking of Egyptian jokes for the 5th chapter of GHW. Something to do with mummy’s is obvious, but I am going for a Nile and Cheops joke or two. My spell checker doesn’t know what Cheops is, it wants to change it to chops or cheeps, (chips or cheese might have been better!)

Monday, 8 August 2011


I typed in rest of Goblin Adventures part 6, jiggled the puppet theatre scene around for the first bit. Put it on Wattpad. Drew some more of my dragon, nearly finished. Wrote about 3 pages of GHW while in the garden. The parasol was scarily swaying in the wind. The stuff I have done needs to be a bit funnier. Twittered and Tweeted and got a mention. The 9th di-mention, I could use that somewhere...

Saturday, 6 August 2011


Found out why the website wasn’t working, the server had crashed in some way. The administrator managed to fix it. I have decided to put 200 words on a day at Wattpad and 500 on a Wednesday and Friday. Nearly finished my dragon, hoping to finish today. It seems a regular amount of people are reading the flash fiction on Wattpad each day, but it is still a long way short of how many people were reading it on Smashwords. I have decided to put the first 7 chapters of The Crying Pennant on the website.

Wrote the goblin beach sequence.

Friday, 5 August 2011

Hunting for squink

I have written the 3rd part of the Goblin adventures. I am putting 200 words on a day and 500 on a Wednesday and either Friday or Saturday. Am getting more reads on Wattpad by doing at least a little every day. Managed to do a large part of my dragon picture for the Battle of the Dragons. Also started proof reading the first chapter.

I now need to get on with typing part 3 in and writing the rest of part 4.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

The Next Bit

Yesterday I found out all of names of the goblins in book 1, decided to let them go on a hunt. Wrote the beginning last night and the rest at my eldest daughter's. Read it to a family friend. It is not overly funny but slightly humorous. I am deciding whether to put a small offering of 2-300 words on Wattpad a day or just 2 pieces on a Wednesday and Friday/Saturday. Not enough people are reading it now it is not on Smashwords.

 Had a bad neck/headache that lasted most of the day yesterday but managed to fix half of the parasol, am going to finish the rest today I hope.

Got a good review today for The Sitting duck

Sunday, 31 July 2011


Checked my Kindle sales and had sold a copy of The Lies we Teach our Kids. Put the Time Code back on Smashwords as a separate unit. Kleeneze man who came the other day had read the first chapter of TCP. Middle child returned. Watched 3/4 of Thor.

Saturday, 30 July 2011


I have now started writing flash fiction pieces on Wattpad. Had 17 people read today's part so far. I have had over 200 people read the full Time Backwater book at Smashwords since yesterday. It is quite unfair really because other people put part works on and haven't been pulled up about it, but I have had to take mine off. The Job like experience still continues to bite at my heels.

Friday, 29 July 2011


Got an email off Smashwords to say I couldn't publish serialised stories with them and to take them off immediately. Also couldn't do part stories or advertise the Amazon links on the stories. I now have 1 complete Time Backwater book on Smashwords. I am going to have to put my flash fiction on Wattpad. Feel a little numb. I had put the first 7 chapters of The Crying Pennant on this morning and the Epilogue to the Time War, but had to take them off. I managed to write about half of a new flash fiction series Goblin Adventures. I will probably only do 2 or 3 stories a week to coincide with Writer's Wednesday and Short Story Saturday on Twitter. Then I will be able to concentrate on the main stories.

Thursday, 28 July 2011


I got a phone call from my eldest daughter asking me to stay at her house to wait for a parcel. while I was there I watched Young Churchill. Found out he got elected because of his fame as an escapee from a Boer prison camp. Got a couple of ideas, one for Krunk the Barbarian and the other for the epilogue. Did a spidergram about chronology stuff in the garden.

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

17 done

Finished part 17 of the Time War and was much more pleased with it. I went with my wife to one of her pupils and sat outside to work a little on GHW. Made one of the jokes work properly, wrote another page and a half.
When I got home added a little more to 17 and submitted it.

I tried to restore the DRP partition on my new hard drive before realising that it didn't have one. :(

I have started writing an epilogue to the Time War, if I finish it tomorrow I may publish it.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Part 17

Wrote about 200 words of Time War 17. Felt a bit down and so found it hard to motivate myself. Managed to fix my monitor, a contact was arcing near the power source and I soldered it. Did about 5 spidergrams with ideas for part 17. Did them while drinking a coffee and eating a banana in the garden on the white table. Played Wofenstein ET. Did a bit of Twitter. I will print out what I have done and look at it again before I go to sleep.

Monday, 25 July 2011

The Time Backwater 16

I have nearly finished the Time War mini series. Part 16 was not as funny as I wanted. Did a little more of my dragon picture and sorted out a little more of my Twitter stuff.

Monday, 18 July 2011


Today was my 23rd wedding anniversary.

I managed to write nearly 500 words of The Time War 11.

Went out for a meal at Appleton-le-Street.

Saw some friends on the way back.

Sunday, 17 July 2011


Checked totals for people who read IPP Field Guide, Twittered and Tweeted.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Guide, not manual

I typed up and wrote some more of the IPP Field Guide. Took a picture of a blank exercise book, put a logo and some lettering on. Half an hour after I had published it 100 people had read it!!! I have written two pages of the interdimensional part for next week.

Friday, 15 July 2011

The IPP time code field manual

Wrote the first half of The IPP time code field manual today in Sainsbury's cafe. The second half will be about interdimensional travel and its consequences on the time line. Managed to get part 10 of the time war on at about 3.15. About 75 people have looked at it so far.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

New York Gnome

I finished and uploaded the 8th part if Time War. I have written a smaller Time War 9 to put on early tomorrow morning. Managed to write another 2 pages of Ground Hog War and found a mistake in TTB 2 and corrected it on Wattpad. Had 18 people look at the first 5 TTB stories today.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Novikov Compensator

Finished the 7th part of the Time War and published it on Smashwords. More people are reading it hooray!

Studied time travel theories on Wikipedia and have come up with the reason people take paradox pills is that they are a Novikov compensator. (In Time Cop people who meet themselves melt into each other if they touch, paradox pills stop the same people melting into each other, they are kept safe.) But they should have other properties as well like helping not to cause major paradoxes that a) destroy time and b) cause the destruction of the universe. Paradox pills also allow multiple travels in time to the same destination, (and allow multiple personas to exist in the same timeline if the 2nd/3rd etc creation continues to take them.)

Need to come up with the Time Code booklet for IDPP's.

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Precinct 13

Started to write the next part of The Time War. Am trying to decide upon 13 different races to inhabit it. Wrote about 350 words, decided to leave the rest until Monday. Am still pleased that about 100 people are reading it every day, but still a little sad that so few people are buying TCP.

Friday, 8 July 2011


Managed to create the fifth part of The Time War and get in onto Smashwords at about 1.30. The large uploads seem to have been sorted.

I was a bit disconcerted to find that downloads of the Flash Fiction were going down. Was it because I had mentioned Adam and Eve in the 3rd part? Then after checking how many people had visited today's page felt better upon seeing over 90 people had probably read it without downloading it. Just need more people to buy the books now instead of just reading the free stuff!

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Funny things

Two funny things have I seen today. One is an old dog, tied to a metal beam who looked like he was saying, "I can take you any time I want, I just don't feel like it right now." And the other was when I poured the cat biscuits into the cat bowl. Three of our cats stuck their heads in, before I was finished, and a pile of cat biscuits landed on their close together heads and stayed there.

Smashwords had to upload 1090 documents before mine yesterday. What is it going to be today? 2000? The Time War part 2 is now on and I have mentioned Patrick, my friend's tooth fairy disguised as a gnome. (Except that Myxlbat is a gnome pretending to be a fairy!)

And it rained on the way back from the bread shop. So I am typing in a damp T-shirt.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011


It took about an hour to update The Time War 1 yesterday on Smashwords. 700 files to be uploaded before mine. Started the next part and will finish the rest this afternoon.

Have been trying to get my Facebook friends to at least look at the FREE Flash Fiction.

Will the AOC fans come through for me? Or is my humour too nichey? (New word there, use it with care!)

Monday, 4 July 2011


Came up with a general storyline yesterday for a rogue gnome, called Mxylbat, creating minor paradoxes.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Sunday morning

Taken wife to work. Found out first two chapters of The Crying Pennant have not uploaded onto Smashwords because 600 + books are being uploaded. (Are they being targeted by crackers?) The picture is on, the words are not. My funny short story in a different name has had 14 people read it!!! With no Twitter advertising!!!

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Did a little story

Did a short story but was unsure of whether to publish it along with the Time Backwater series. Published it under another name with no Twitter and 7 people have read it so far!

Now have 500 followers on Twitter but nobody seems to be re-Tweeting. How do you get re Tweeted? I have 4 re-Tweets, two are jokes. The jokes I am sending at the moment seem to have no effect. I am not getting to my target audience.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011


Today I revamped 'The Time Backwater III' because of the bad review yesterday. It now is a little crazier and made my head hurt (or was that the headache I had earlier.) Uploaded it to Smashwords at the library, seeing as my Internet is still off until tomorrow. My daughter helped me out yesterday and I can use my wife's Ipad to do some things, like update this blog! I don't know whether to do TTB as a daily thing or not. I need to make sure it is of a high enough standard of funniness, which can be quite stressful, but not as stressful as getting a bad review!

While I am doing a daily TTB then the fourth in the Arth series is not getting done. So I may only have to do a weekly TTB and adburp it on #FF or #WW with Twitter.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

The Time Backwater III

The Time Backwater III
There was no pop as no re-routed time travellers appeared on the re-routing pads of precinct 19. That would be no popping today, if today meant anything in a folded time space sort of way. But no popping on a single day was quite unusual, there was always somebody trying to get somewhere in time at the same time as too many other people, but not today. The various work droids stood in their positions motionless, like extra dummies in an Indiana Jones film just before the nuke went off and he escaped in a fridge. That is if you have seen the film and you are not a time traveller from the early noughties. Otherwise this statement means nothing to you. It can’t have been Christmas that stopped them, droids were not working on the electrics therefore re-routing people to one of the other 23 precincts, and there was nothing special going on like a time war or an interdimensional war. No, things were just very quiet, a bit like a backwater really.
Splob the gnome patriarch popped his head round the corner of the fridge. He looked warily at the chef droid which stood there, standing still. This sounds a bit like an Ultravox song that sometimes played in the pneuma lifts, what a sad man the author was to have thunk this into existence. While he was trying to think of something funny to say Splob darted across to the food storage and transfer area. He stood by one of the food transfer machines and programmed it for fish and chips for 50. The machine started to grab orders of fish and chips from different time frames and different dimensions, some wrapped in paper, some in foil, some in card, some in polystyrene and some in vuminium. (Have you ever thought you had done something, like wrap up fish and chips, only to find that they weren’t wrapped? This is where all the food goes that you forget about or misplace.) He piled ten portions into a sack and skedaddled over to the open access tunnel grate and lowered the food into another pair of small hands. He then went back for some more, but while he was piling another ten portions into another bag a maintenance droid went past, this caught the motion sensors of the chef droid who looked back at the moving object. The chef droid’s line of sight fell upon a half filled bag of fish and chips on the floor near the food transfer machine. It went over to the bag, looked at it, picked it up then took it over and dropped it into the waste disposal machine. It then went over to the food transfer machine and started to take out the other portions and pile them into sacks to throw away. When it had filled one sack it started on another. Splob swapped sacks for others filled with baked bean tins, he did this another three times. The droid put one of the bean tin filled bags into the waste disposal. The tins grunched and ground on the machinery. The droid emptied the 3 other sacks of tinned baked beans into the machine until it ground to a halt. The droid pushed the start button but the machine had clogged up, like Marlon Brando choking on wads of cotton wool while making The Godfather. It warbled over to the ‘Call for maintenance droid’ button and pushed it then waited near the waste disposal machine.
Splob snuck the other 3 sacks of fish and chips out to the grate. While the two droids were concerned with the bean tinned state of the waste disposal he programmed another ten portions, bagged them and slipped down into the access tunnel pulling the grate over his head. The other gnome had started on a portion of fish and chips. Splob glared at him and collected two other bags and started off down the tunnel. The other gnome wiped his lips, re-wrapped his food, picked up two sacks and followed Splob.
At one minute past midnight there was nine loud pops and nine time travellers appeared on re-routing pads then headed toward the cafeteria for a snack between adventures, they saw an electronic sign displaying the words, ‘This cafeteria is unable to serve food at the moment due to unforeseen circumstances’. They looked for another food outlet.
You can buy The Crying Pennant (The first in the Arth Series) by Stephen Jennison-Smith from Amazon by going to this link- via @amazon
You can also follow me on Twitter where you will get links to new Flash Fiction

Monday, 27 June 2011

The Time Backwater II

The Time backwater II

  Sid and Arthur appeared on the re-routing pads again, but this time with a prisoner. A goblin named Malcolm.
  “You never explained to me why you are called Malcolm,” Said Arthur, “That is an unusual name for a goblin; it is usually something like Umpkin or Blogger?”
  “It’s cause me dad was called Malcolm, I’m really Malcolm the XIV.”
  “I get confused when we use Roman numerals, I thought 14 was XIIII?” said Sid.
  “Not really Sid,” droned Arthur in his superior than everyone else tone, “it was a king who wanted to make it easier to read clocks who put IIII instead of IV.”
  “Blobbin’ royalty,” moaned Sid, “always affecting us commoners!”
  “I ‘ave a similar problem with the Dark Lord, ‘es always telling us to pack up our troubles in our old kit bag and smile,”
  “Sounds like he is an aficionado of the real Earth’s First World War,” noted Arthur.
  “Eh?” ehd Malcolm.
  “That’s why I hate goblins,” said Sid, “let’s kill him now!”
  “Nooooooooooo, please mister dwarf, I have a wife and 6 sprogs to look after, and a large extended family”
  “You should have thought of that before you started trying to cause time paradoxes to kill us,” replied the dwarf.
  “Look, calm down Sid, try to control your dwarvish craving for revenge and goblin blood lust.”
  “Aww,” groaned Sid, “you always want to stop my fun!”
  “We cannot kill him anyway it might cause a time paradox.”
  “Yeah, we don’t want to cause a time paradox, do we?” grinned Malcolm in a smarmy way at Sid.
  Sid gritted his teeth and started to go really red in the face. Arthur grabbed him, “I am ordering you to calm down, go for a walk in the indoor garden, think about nice things, control your breathing. Count to X.”
  Sid looked at Arthur then turned and walked towards the indoor garden, “Flippin’ goblins I hate them!” he stomped.
  “And stop stomping,” warned Arthur.

  Sid walked around the garden a few times and started to think of nice things but then he fell right into an open manhole. “Ooch, me poore back, who was the fool who left a manhole open?” As his eyes adjusted to the dark he saw a small figure cowering in the access tunnel. “Hello. Who do we have here? I didn’t think there were any people who inhabited the Time Backwater?”
  The figure continued to cower. Sid went over to him, “Come on little chap, don’t be afraid. What’s your name?”
  “Splob,” said the small figure in a high voice.
  “Are you a gnome?” enquired Sid.
  “Yes, why?”
  “No reason, some of my best neighbours are gnomes. They own the silver mine next to mine. What are you doing here?”
  “I’m hiding from the re-transfer droids.”
  “Why are you hiding from them?”
  “In case they re-transfer me. I’ve heard it’s a nasty business.”
  “How long have you been in the Time Backwater?”
  “Give or take a day, 300 years.”
  “You’re nearly as old as me, that means. Did you come from the fantasy dimension?”
  “Yes, it was after the third goblin war.”
  “My dad died in those, that’s one of the reasons I hate goblins.”
  “Well that’s as maybe. I was brought here by a dodgy Interdimensional Police Person. He broke the electronic binding holding me and my wife, when he popped out we were left here.”
  “Dodgy eh. We have a friend in the Interdimensional Police Force, I’m sure he would like to know who the dodgy geezer is if he is still alive. It depends if he came from your future to arrest you or from your present.”
  “My present is now.”
  “No, I meant your present then, not now.”
  “That doesn’t make sense?”
  “Yes it does, well it does if you travel as much in time and different dimensions as we have had to. Do you want to go back to your time? We could help you.”
  Splob thought for a moment, “No thanks I have a wife and gnomelings, and grand gnomelings, and great grand gnomelings and great…”
  “Ok, I get the idea, you have been a very busy little gnome. Well, with all those gnomes in the place how come we haven’t seen one before?”
  “We keep to ourselves, and if we are caught by the re-transfer droids they try to re-transfer us. The thing is though that if they catch any of my descendants they get re-transferred back here again. This is where they were born. My wife and I are the only ones who would get sent back, that’s why I have to use the tunnels to scout for food.”
  “Where do you all live, haven’t you got a gnome to go to?”
  “Pun on the word gnome and home.”
  “Have you been listening to David Bowie?”
  “How do you know about him?”
  “The piped music in the pneuma lifts, they have a selection of 20th and 21st century earth music.”
  “It must be because so many time travelling destinations are going to big events in those centuries. Any way I’d better get back to Arthur and our prisoner.”
  “Yes, a goblin named Malcolm Xcetera or something like that.”
  “Ooh nasty, I hate goblins.”
  “Just like me, are we related do you think?”
  “Maybe in the mists of time, I think I have a dwarven ancestor somewhere, that’s why I’m so tall.”
  “Well if you need any help or anything special from one of the dimensions let me know and I’ll bring it with me next time.”
  “A wind up toothbrush?”
  “Why one of those?”
  “It is difficult to get batteries round here so a wind up one would be great.”
  “Ok, I’ll see what I can do.” Sid climbed out of the access tunnel staring into the face of Arthur who was dragging Malcolm with him.
  “Where have you been?” asked Arthur, “I said calm down not fall down.”
  “I have met a gnome called Splob in the access…” Just then the three of them popped out of the Time backwater.
  Splob pulled the manhole cover across, picked his sack of baked bean tins up and made his way down the access tunnel.

You can buy The Crying Pennant (The first in the Arth Series) by Stephen Jennison-Smith from Amazon by going to this link-

You can also follow me on Twitter where you will get links to new Flash Fiction

Sunday, 26 June 2011


On Sunday there is no time travel, unless you are travelling either from or to a Sunday of significance, which is not today.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

The Time Backwater I

I will try to write a daily Backwater blog.

The Time Backwater I

The Time Backwater is a floating shopping precinct in non-space. The space between space and time. If Interdimensional Wrist Transporters are being heavily used for a certain time period in history any excess time travellers are re routed to the Time Backwater until the backlog can be dealt with. Arthur, King of the Britons and Sid the dwarf popped onto the scene on a re-routing pad in one of the many hives of waiting rooms on the lower floor of the precinct.
“Great,” said Arthur, “the time backwater again. I wonder how long we will be here this time?”
“Time doesn’t exist here oh grumpy one.”
“It is usually you who is grumpy.”
“You must have taken a grumpy tablet today.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Grumpy tablets?”
Just then an usher droid entered, “Please stand away from the RRP.”
“Recommended Retail Price?” queried Sid.
“Re-Routing Pad,” said the droid.
“Keep your knickers on,” said Sid in a hoity toity way.
“Hoity toity,” said Arthur, “That’s a new one. I bet your spell checker is flagging up toity.”
“Yes it is, Why?” asked I.
“Oh, no reason. Just thought I would comment.”
“Can’t you do anything about us being here Author?” asked Sid.
“Of course I can, but this gives us extra non-time to get to know each other and for the readers to do the same.”
“But it’s so booooooring in non-time. I’ve played all the video games, visited all the indoor gardens, raced round the mall on fleeby deebers and it’s all booooooring!” griped Sid.
“Actually those two wheeled fleeby deebers were fun,” commented Arthur.
“They were a bit. Can you remember when we hit that stack of baked bean tins in the refectory? They went all over and the place and the chef droid chased us out. Then one of your tyres started to go down and you started flibbing and flobbing all over. He nearly caught you.”
“That was scary, I could have gone to the holding cells for a long non-time.”
“I went there once, saw Alexander Hartdegan there.”
“Really? I thought he was just a made up fictional character in HG Wells’s science fiction book?”
“So a bit like us then.”
Arthur looked at Sid. Sid looked at Arthur. “Goooo on then,” gooed Sid as he and Arthur set off for the rack of fleeby deebers. Before they had even flubbled half way down the plaza they both popped out of the Time Backwater. A collecting droid shimmied over to the fallen fleeby deebers and started to take them back to the nearby fleeby deeber racks.