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Monday, 30 September 2013

"Are you using that?"

Today I chopped all of the brambles and bind weed back from the end of the garden. I did not want to do it, I had to keep forcing myself. It sort of is nearly completely chopped down. The garden now looks bigger and will be ready soon for me to put up the two pieces of fence I have. Well, not fence, but sides of a shed that somebody was throwing away.

You never guess what, I had just propped up one of the pieces of shed, then someone asked me, "So what are you doing with that shed?" I gladly told him I had actually used one piece and said if I had any left then he could have it.

Today's joke is:

What do you call a toothless elephant?


Friday, 27 September 2013

"I could have won but..."

I managed to write 4 pages of planning for TVC at Leeds Uni while waiting for my wife and drinking a coffee. Also thought of some ideas on the way home and made sure I wrote them down.

After I delivered my magazines I walked through to the board games club. Played Monty Python Flux, the copy I bought on Wednesday. Things were as usual, I could have won but...

It has been noticed that after nearly every game I play I say, 'I could have won but...' Except on this occasion it was funny. I drew and played two cards I needed to win. I only had to play the objective I had in my hand to win. The next turn I only had to draw one card, and if it wasn't a creeper (a bad card in Flux that can stop you winning) then I would have won.

The fellow next to me, who was quite amazed at what appeared to be the quickest game he had played and whose turn it was said, "I think I'll play this card, it doesn't mean much, seeing as you've already won..."

The card was something like, "If you sing a Monty Python song on your go, pick up an extra card."

I attempted three Monty Python songs and didn't really sing enough of them on my turn. Then I remembered, "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK..." which I had watched on Youtube yesterday.

Yes, he pandered to my ego. What a fool I was. I picked up the first card, which was fine because it was an action card I didn't need to play. However the second card (which I wouldn't have had to pick up if I hadn't sung anything) was a Creeper card. I had to play it straight away because it says so, which stopped me winning the game. I also had to pick up another card because I had played the Creeper card. It was another Creeper card. So I was doubly stopped from winning because of the Creeper cards, my ego and big mouth :)

Thursday, 26 September 2013

SAASA boom de ay

Typed in about 350 words of chapter 2 of SAASA. I also started to clear the conservatory away from the shed. I may be able to put the fence up soon, just some jungle to clear...

Today's joke is:

What do lemmings like to drink?


Wednesday, 25 September 2013


I finished chapter three of SAASA, also wrote an alternative ending for the whole book. Planned some more of The Victoria Conspiracy, which made me feel happier. I am not planning to do any more to SAASA until I have done some more planning for TVC. A lady in Starbucks suggested the name Lord Darvill for the anti hero!!! Guess what, there was a Captain Darville in book 1!!!

Today's joke is:

What did the conductor say when the elephant got on his bus and asked for a ticket to the zoo?

"That's 50p for the ticket and £25,000 for the bus!"

(This joke has been adjusted for inflation!)

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

500 words

I wrote about 500 words of SAASA chapter 3 today, just another 100 and it's finished. I was glad I nearly finished it today, feel less stressed.

Today's joke is:

What do you get if an elephant playing a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor!

Monday, 23 September 2013

War in the Precincts

I haven't written anything today. I did however try to put up a bit more of the greenhouse. I also bought the screws, raw plugs and drill bit to complete the job. I was a bit confused with the instructions though, they are hard to decipher from the drawings, and I am putting the door in a different place so the picture is not exactly the same.

Have changed my Twitter profile and my blog to tell everyone that Only When I Arth 9 is FREE!

Today's joke is:

A banana and an orange went into a pub. The banana looked at the orange and said, "You're round!"

Saturday, 21 September 2013

A bit bored

Managed to write 600 words of SAASA. Only another 5-600 and I have finished chapter 3. I think then, after I have typed it in and proof read it, I'll submit it to Amazon. Have changed tack slightly because Sid was getting a bit bored. A bit like somebody drilling for oil, the hole gets a bit, a drill bit, then it gets bored.

(Well it is late!)

Friday, 20 September 2013

Monty Python

After work today my wife took me to Monk's Cross Starbucks and I managed to write 700 words of SAASA. Hopefully some Americans I met on the tour will buy at least one of my books, seeing as Americans are the biggest buyers of my books. They liked Monty Python so you never know...

Today's joke is not really a joke. My friend did a Facebook status yesterday, as part of some kind of book week/day and said, 'Pick the nearest book to you, turn to page 52 and tell us what it says on the fifth line.'

Now, the closest book to me was my Elephant joke book and the fifth line was, 'Open the door.' Can you guess what the joke was?

(I'll tell you tomorrow, unless somebody guesses it right!)

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Still Ill

So, after I had suffered with rinitus yesterday I then suffered the obligatory headache today. Was in bed most of the day and also felt dizzy. I did think about Sid and Arthur in the white room. Thought that, even though the white room is accessed by the IWT, Sid would still have it on his arm. Am still in two minds about whether it should be separate from The Sun Thief and its own adventure. In the last encounter they never met Traiton at all. They should really have a separate mission/objective. Sid will probably get sick of it and demand that they do something more interesting.

Wednesday, 18 September 2013


I have been ill today. However I did manage to write about 100 words and put it all together with what I have done over the past couple of days. So that makes nearly 500 words of chapter 3 of SAASA.

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Half a page

Wrote about half a page of stuff for chapter three as I was waiting outside a customer's house today, sheltering from the rain.

Today's joke is:

What's green and dangerous?

A gooseberry with a machine gun!

Monday, 16 September 2013

The 200

Had a bit of a quiet day today. My wife got 10 FREE cups of coffee from Starbucks through the post today (my joke was that they squashed the cardboard cups up and squeezed them through the letterbox. Then the dogs licked it up.)

So, because we had some free coffees, my wife and I went to Starbucks, Monk's Cross. I planned about 200 words of SAASA. Also typed in about 250 words and put it on Wattpad.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Chapter 2

I finished chapter 2 of SAASA today, only another chapter and I will have done enough for OWIA 15. Talking to my son today I planned a little of the third book of the Theran Chronicles.

Today's joke is:

What's the difference between an elephant, a lemon and a tube of glue?

I don't know?

Well, you can squeeze a lemon but you can't squeeze an elephant.

What about the tube of glue?

I thought that's where you'd get stuck!

Friday, 13 September 2013


Today I read that I had a one star review for The Victorian Adventure Society on Amazon UK. The woman has done 6 reviews and the rest are all five star. To be honest with myself it is probably a three to four star piece of work. I gave it away free so that I could get people interested in the sample of The Sun Thief. However that seems a little foolish now with a one star review. It started life as The Victorian Adventure Experiment with some of my friends on Facebook. I ran a game of Victorian Adventure through Facebook and however the characters reacted then that drove the story. I decided to finish the story on my own after everyone else dropped out.

Those who read it on Wattpad were complimentary. So I wonder why she hated it so much?

Maybe it should teach me to stop putting my stuff on Amazon for free...

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Didn't blog

I managed to write 800 words yesterday and about 300 today. Another 200 and I've finished chapter 2.

Didn't blog yesterday as I was too tired. Nearly the same today.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013


I put Fanting Fightasy on Wattpad today. Did a few extra rooms so it is partly playable. I will update it every so often.

I had another coincidence today, as I was photocopying a form for my boss he texted me. He hasn't texted me for three weeks!!!

Today's joke is:

What do you call a rabbit that runs up and down the stairs?

A bunnister!

Monday, 9 September 2013

139 words

Yesterday, while waiting for my wife, I worked on a list of monsters that I could possibly put into Fanting Fightasy. Tomorrow I hope to type the rest up that is finished. I have also typed in 139 words of SAASA for Wattpad.

Today's joke is:

Why did the fish take an aspirin?

Because it had a haddock!

Saturday, 7 September 2013

500 words

I typed in about 500 words of Fanting Fightasy, was going to try to get enough done to put it on Wattpad but still have two pages to type in.

Did look at making a felt hat on YouTube, you never know, if I get a big enough dark one I can form it into a Guy Fawkes type hat!

Today's joke is:

What kind of bird has a shell?

A turtle dove.

Friday, 6 September 2013

First 4 pages.

Today I managed to write another three rooms/encounters for Fanting Fightasy. That makes seven which means I can now put it on Wattpad. However I might have to add another couple of rooms so that it is playable straight away. We'll see about doing that tomorrow. Printed the first 4 pages out and read them through to see if it is working so far.

It rained today on my tour, it was the worst day so far!

Today's joke is:

What happened to the elephant that ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back!

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Only When I Arth Banner

I typed in 150 words of SAASA and wrote 250, I am now half way through chapter 2. I plan to release it in chunks under the Only When I Arth banner, similar to Factory of Androids. It will be in four chunks of three chapters. Also wrote about 100 words of Fanting Fightasy, where Alf meets the party, including YOU the reader!

Today's joke is:

What's invisible and smells of bananas?

Monkey burps!

Wednesday, 4 September 2013


I managed to make two sides of the greenhouse today. Sluiced the yard down. Managed to save about 15 DVDs at the charity shop today, they are mostly WWII films and documentaries, but also include the Indiana Jones boxed set. Wrote 300 words of SAASA, nearly halfway through chapter 2. Also typed in room number two of Fanting Fightasy.

I am thinking of holding off writing the second Theran Chronicles book until the NaNoWriMo.

Today's joke is:

How do you make an elephant sandwich?

First you get a very big loaf...

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Fighting Fantasy

I typed in the rest of the introduction to the Fanting Fightasy book as well as making a simple cover that is a parody of the Fighting Fantasy logo. Though it is on Wattpad I will not publish it until I am 7 days in advance. Typed in 200 words of SAASA and put it on Wattpad. There seems to be something wrong with Twitter, my lists aren't working properly.

Today's joke is:

What did the elephant say to the hotel porter?

"Take my trunk up and I'll follow!"

Monday, 2 September 2013


I wrote 330 words of SAASA on Sunday at Starbucks. Now I don't like working on a Sunday, I try to keep it holy, but... Today I transferred some family videos onto DVD, my previous attempt had recorded as -R and could not be played on Xboxs etc. I have also typed up 160 words of SAASA and put it on Wattpad. I didn't put on any at the weekend because I appear to have been too busy!

Today's joke is:

What takes less time to get ready for a trip, an elephant or a rooster?

A rooster: He only needs to take his comb!