The FREE Giveaway!

Friday, 31 May 2013

Makes Sense

Cycled to Starbucks at Monk's Cross and wrote 600 words of TST. It was very hot and I had a cold drink there. It seemed to be Hawaii day there as all of the staff were wearing that kind of costume. John was wearing a trilby and I said my straw hat was better than his (as a joke) and he just kind of smiled, looked away and obviously disagreed. That's not very Hawaiin of him!!!  If I write 1,250 words tomorrow then I have finished chapter 10. Lizzie is getting into an awful lot of scrapes, let's hope it makes sense when it is finished.

Today's joke is:

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

Thursday, 30 May 2013

The Tower is up!!!

So today I received confirmation that The Tower is now up on Amazon. I just had to confirm that I had international rights!!! (I also deleted it from Wattpad just to be safe.) I also wrote 1,065 words of The Sun Thief today, finishing chapter 9 and starting chapter 10. Typed in 275 words of Chapter 6.

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

No Clarification

So today I found out that my short story anthology called The Tower has been blocked from being published at Amazon. Even though I checked my emails every day I still missed the email from them asking me to clarify some things. They said that the stories were published online free elsewhere. The first story is published free at Smashwords under the title of Kendra Flash Fiction. The second was on Wattpad, which I have now deleted, but the third, Serasel the Smith, is not published anywhere else. I have emailed them back but I don't know if that will do any good. I thought I was doing so well today, I have written 1,000 words of The Sun Thief and nearly finished chapter 9.

Today's joke is:

What's invisible and smells of bananas?

Monkey burps!

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

No Typing

Wrote 500 words today, I did feel poorly though and struggled through the last hundred words after 12.00 am. No typing. Maybe I'll do better tomorrow.

Today's joke is:

Who let the dogs out?

Well originally it must have been Noah, or one of his sons.

Monday, 27 May 2013

Back Story

I managed to type the rest of Chapter 5 in today, about 1,000 words. Also wrote 565 words of Chapter 9. I had to do a page of planning just for that, needed to write a bit of back story for what had happened when she wasn't there. At least I know what to write next.

Today's joke is:

How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?

(They can't change light bulbs silly, they don't have hands!)

Saturday, 25 May 2013

Sid and Arthur do Steampunk

I managed to finish writing chapter 8 today, feel much better for it. Also typed in about 1,000 words of chapter 5 on my wife's iPad mini. I also wrote about 100 words of Sid and Arthur do Steampunk, that makes just over 300 with what I'd done in the past few days. It may turn into a book, you never know.

Today's joke is:

What is green and dangerous?

A gooseberry with a machine gun!

Friday, 24 May 2013

So I typed in 650 words but only wrote 90 :( I need to catch up tomorrow and finish chapter 8.

Thursday, 23 May 2013


Today was very slow, I had a bad night's sleep last night so felt tired. I finished typing in chapter 4 which was only 400 words. Started typing in chapter 5 but only about 50 words. Finally eked out 700 words of chapter 8. If I do another 700 tomorrow then I have finished the chapter. I have had to do a lot of thinking about where she will end up and I have decided it will be Sagus which is quite close to where I had planned it to be in my one sentence description/plan of chapter 7 (which is now chapter 8.)

Today's elephant joke is:

What do you call an elephant that goes up and down?

An elephator!

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Volans Terrorum

The two giant electric coil towers stood proud of the 4-storey building that occupied the central position on the gunship Volans Terrorum. She was 700 feet long and 150 feet wide. Her engine could have powered a small city. Metal cage-corridors sprawled like a spider across the decks to stop the Tesla lightning from killing the crew who needed to make their way over the decks. Especially for this trip the loading bay had been enlarged and the super structure strengthened to be able to winch their captured load aboard. Its compliment of crew was 500 including officers and men. It had entertainment facilities, shops, radio communications and stores to last for six months. There were fourteen energy cannons on each side just below deck and two large plasma cannons fore and aft. The Volans Terrorum could fire all of her guns non-stop for 24 hours before she ran out of energy.

Steampunk Goggles

Today I wrote 1,000 and typed in 1,000 words, it seemed to be slow going though. Wrote about 300 words at home in the back garden (our wireless internet seems to be a bit funny so couldn't get my iPad working out there.) Then did another 700 words at Starbucks. Typed in 800 words from this morning to this afternoon then typed in another 200 words tonight. Asked around for brass washers etc to help me make some steampunk goggles.

Today's elephant joke is:

Today an elephant fell off a 50 foot ladder, and survived.

It fell off the first rung!

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

French Fries and a Banana

I have written 800 words of The Sun thief today and finished chapter 7, 2,400 words. Also typed in 1,000 words of chapter 4 and put it on the VAE. Managed to write 400 words at a friend's house while having a cup of coffee and eating biscuits, French Fries and a banana. (Also my grandson was left in my care for a little, so not much was done at that point.) Had to work out the end of chapter 7 first, Lizzie had used a transporter pad and I needed to know where she had gone [it was a random thing.]

Today's elephant joke is:

What is grey, has big ears and writes for 10 miles without stopping?

A ball-point elephant!

Monday, 20 May 2013

Newish Bike

I typed in over 1,000 words of The Sun Thief and wrote another 1,000 of Chapter 7. Put chapter three on the VAE. I cycled to Starbucks on my newish bike and had a coffee with my family and wrote the 1,000 words. I have put the Tower on Amazon but it is taking a long time to come up for sale, either because it's called The Tower and there is another book of the same name or they are checking it's long enough. (After that abuse they found out about people putting short stories on of less than 6,000 words and charging 99 cents for them.)

Today's elephant joke is:

Why does an elephant wear green slippers?

So he can walk across a billiard table without being seen.

(Billiards is like pool but a lot harder.)

Saturday, 18 May 2013


So I wrote the article below today in response to Louise Sorenson's query. I accidentally Tweeted it as Wow I write. (Now would that have looked like I was being sarcastic or big headed?) Any hoo, I wrote 575 words of Chapter 7 and typed in about 500 words of Chapter 3 and put it on the VAE. Needed to work out what the Hoo outpost was going to be like and how she would interact with the flying head.

Today's elephant joke is:

What is grey, huge and mutters?

A mumbo jumbo!!!

How I write

I have been asked to write a short article about my writing.

I usually start with an idea and do some writing. I try to write at least 500 words a day, six days a week. If I write 2,500 then that is a chapter, therefore I write one chapter a week and a Novella in three months. I mostly write on paper and type it up afterwards. However, when I wrote the time Backwater short stories, I wrote by typing in about 500 words a day. It was a lot more stressful because I was publishing it daily and had to keep it up for about 2 months. I do something similar now on Wattpad, I publish 250 words a day. So if I write 500 words a day then I can get in advance of myself, finish the book and publish it properly then hopefully get those readers to pick up the completed book from Amazon.

The only time I really planned was if I got stuck on a story line, or if I needed a new kind of world. That was until I read a blog article about a woman who wrote 10,000 words a day and planning was one of the main reasons she hit that count. (Another of her tips was to write about the things that interested her/excited her. If they interested/excited her they would too the readers. What is the use of writing stuff that bores you?) So with this latest book I have planned by writing a short synopsis of the chapter, just a couple of sentences.

I also have an idea of where the book will end up, but how I get there is not usually set in stone. I have found that when writing the current book I have wondered how I will hit the word count of a chapter, but have managed to do it. (However the last chapter was shy of the count by about 100 words.)

The only time I stopped writing daily was when I was sculpting to cover for my last book. You do need at least one day off a week so that you can clear your head.

I am planning to do a three day marathon soon and to write 10,000 words a day and produce a novella. I may plan some of it generally before hand. I have heard that Michael Moorcock wrote the Corum books within three day periods because he was a teacher or something. He wrote when he had a long weekend. I think it is a little too soon to try to attempt it for the next bank holiday.

Hope this helps!

Friday, 17 May 2013


I finished writing chapter 6 of The Sun Thief although I am 200 words short of 2,500. Haven't typed any in today, a bit tired. Started to think of what the giant outpost is going to be like, whether is is nearly deserted, has giants or/and metal men. If it is nearly deserted and small then chapter 7 is not going to be very long!

Today's elephant joke is:

What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?

If you don't know then it's no use sending you to post a letter then, is it!

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Half way through

Managed to write 1,032 words today at my daughter's house. Though I am glad I wrote it I did not get a chance to play Dawn of War. Also typed in about another 250 words of chapter 3. If I write just 900 words tomorrow then I have finished chapter 6 and am half way through the book.

My wife fraped my elephant account and told a Facebook joke (This does not make sense because I am too tired.)

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Random Joke

I wrote 150 words and typed in 750 in the bath! At Starbucks I wrote another 600. The at my wife's piano lesson I wrote another 300. So I have done well today. I have also put chapter two on the VAE for my ardent fans to see. Managed to start writing chapter 6 today.

Today's random joke is:

What do you call a pig with two eyes?
A piig!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

The Metal Man

So I don't know if my little experiment worked. Wrote 500 words of TST today, just. Had only written 175 words by about two o'clock this afternoon. Did write 200 words of another short story though called The Metal Man which is based in the same universe. Our greenhouse came and I was trying to figure out where I am going to put it.

Today's joke is:

A waiter walks in with a bowl of soup, trips and spills it into the lap of a customer. the customer looks down and says, "Waiter, there's a soup in my flies!"


As a bit of an experiment I have decided to talk about #MayniacsLoveEuropaFM. I have looked what is trending on Twitter and I think this one has something to do with a radio station. A lot of the tweets appear to be in Spanish  Maybe I should translate it. I think he's a contender in some kind of singing competition. The last time I was in a singing competition I came second. Some of the judges told me I should have come first, but the little kids (who couldn't sing) had the cuteness factor.

Monday, 13 May 2013


Managed to write 1,000 words today of The Sun Thief. 300 in Starbucks, 300 in Tesco (drinking Costa), 250 at my mother-in-law's house and 150 just now. Also typed in about 600 words while at Tesco until the iPad ran out of charge. Put the 600 words on the VAE at my Facebook. I also did 350 words over the weekend so I am now half way through Chapter 5!!!

Still cannot find my elephant joke book:

What is yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.
A banana with a machine gun.
A chick eating corn in a minefield.

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Two funnies

When I was writing the Arth Series books I tried to put at least two jokes in every 100 words.

"No you didn't," said Sid.
"Yes I did," said I to Sid.
"Some of your jokes aren't jokes."
"Sometimes you just repeat a word or rhyme something."
"That's silly."
"Silliness is a type of humour."
"Silly Ness is also the name of that Scotsman."
"Yeas," said I in a long drawn out way similar to the one King Arthur used.
"Did you have to mention him," said Sid grumpily, "we were getting along fine without him!"

Saturday, 11 May 2013


I didn't know whether to write or not today. As it was I started chapter 5 and wrote 300 words of it, in my mother-in-law's back garden, holding a large umbrella against a cold wind. Based it on what I planned yesterday, except that I decided to put the Queen Isabella's crew as part of the landing party and not some random sailors.

I am not within reach of my elephant joke book so I'll tell another:

Why did the orange stop at the top of a hill?

Because it ran out of juice!

Friday, 10 May 2013

Plastic panels

I wrote 200 words on the bus as I was travelling to Norton. Finished chapter 4. Then played Dawn of War with my future son in law, he likes it. Wrote a plan of the next chapter of TST on the bus on the way back.

A funny thing. For months I have been wanting to fix the awning over the boxes in the yard, it decayed quite badly over Christmas. So I finally decided to use the plastic panels from the conservatory we were given a few years ago. Until now I hadn't wanted to because I would have liked to give it away as a whole thing. I never found any plastic stuff in the many skips that appear around town. So I used two plastic panels from the conservatory at the weekend. Guess what. I found a skip with 3 PANELS in it and the builders let me have it. When I went into the next street guess what. That's right, another plastic panel!!! the builders there said I could have that one as well. So, as soon as I had decided to bite the bullet and actually use the two of the panels that I really rather wouldn't have then I find 4 panels!!! What's that all about?

Today's elephant joke is:

What do you call a short sighted cowboy?

Squint Eastwood

(Really I should have said a small cowboy elephant in a pond = Squirt Eastwood!!!)

Thursday, 9 May 2013

TST in Tesco

Today I wrote 700 words of TST in Tesco. Got to 500 words then had a coffee. Did another 200 words then my wife rang me to help me to proof read something for her. Did another 400 words tonight while she and her mother went to see The Mouse Trap. I'm glad I didn't see it, I looked at Wikipedia about 6 months ago and found out who did it! (I had mistakenly thought that at each showing they changed who the criminal was!!!)

So I haven't really had time to type any of TST in, I have however planned out the rest of the book in chapters, (I think.)

Today's elephant joke is:

What is the largest ant?
An elephant!!!

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

I found my joke book!

I had some Oatso Simple porridge in McDonalds (one of the FREE gifts) and wrote 500 words of TST. Had a cappuccino in Starbucks and wrote another 500 words. Spoke to Jon about the new Star Trek movie. Also typed in about 280 words of TST and put it on the VAE Facebook page.

Watched Starter For Ten with James Macelvoy (?)

Found my elephant joke book, so today's is:

Twenty elephants were standing in a single file all facing the same way. How many of them, do you think, could say 'My trunk is touching another elephant's tale'?

None, elephants can't speak!

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Steampunk, Youtube, Minecraft, Bioshock.

So I wrote 800 words of The Sun Thief today, finishing chapter 3 and just starting chapter 4. The characters are getting into an airship battle. I seem to have used the Magnificent 7 type archetype again, there are seven people on the Queen Isabella. I wrote the 800 words in Tesco to give my wife time to finish her work for uni. Wrote 500 words before I had a cup of coffee (as a reward!). Tried to look at steampunk airship battles on Youtube. There were some Minecraft ones and the Bioshock Ultimate one kept stopping. I might have to buy that game.

Today's elephant joke is:

What do you call an elephant that's hard of hearing?
Anything you like because he can't hear you!

Monday, 6 May 2013


So today I wrote just over 1,000 of The Sun Thief. Also typed in 500 words of chapter two and put it on my Facebook group. Tidied the back garden up. The neighbours burned some rubbish for me.

Today's elephant joke is:

What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.

(Now I know this isn't an elephant joke, but I seem to have misplaced my elephant joke book!)

Saturday, 4 May 2013


Wrote 650 words today of chapter three of The Sun Thief. Typed in the rest of chapter one and put it in the Victorian Adventure Experiment on Facebook.

I also participated in FREE comic book day. Got loads of free comics and an Iron Man Heroclix figure. (Offered it to my son for his collection but he told me to keep it!)

Today's elephant joke is:

What is huge, green and has a trunk?
An unripe elephant!

Friday, 3 May 2013


Managed to write nearly 500 words today (494) in the back garden. It wasn't too cold. Also typed in about 500 words. This means I have finished chapter 2. Left it on a cliffhanger. I am really enjoying writing it, I want to do more because I want to find out what's going to happen. I hope it is being translated into the reading experience and not just because I am imagining the world they are in and being inspired by it.

Today's elephant joke is:

Where can elephants be found?
They are so big, they hardly ever get lost!

Thursday, 2 May 2013

TST if you know what I me. (Terribbee)

Wrote about 250 words of TST today. Typed in about 100 I think (Although I have ended up with 1,500 words typed in.) The little old lady they found in the park is teaching them some Andacian. Terribbee.

Yet again T Mobile have messed us around. Sent the wrong chip a second time after switching her original one off for my wife's iPad mini.

Today's elephant joke is:

Why don't elephants have olives in their martinis?
Have you ever tried getting an olive out of your nose?

(Dedicated to my wife who bought and enjoyed some olives today.)

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Earlier on

I have written about 650 words of TST today and typed in about 500. Also planned and developed some ideas about the history of Thera. So I added a little to the stuff I had already written earlier on.

We have again been messed about by the mobile phone company. They have sent the wrong chip for my wife's iPad then they expected us to pay for a new one!!!

Today's elephant joke is:

What do elephants have that other animals do not?
Baby elephants!