The FREE Giveaway!

Tuesday, 30 April 2013


Wrote just over 500 words of The Sun Thief today. Didn't type any in though. Trying to think about how the cityscape will work. It should be Victorian based but it will also have a different slant because it is a different world. I think I will also need to make a map of the different kingdoms as well (on a backwards facing map of the world!)

Today's elephant joke is:

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
An elephant with a nose bleed!

Monday, 29 April 2013

Per Se

I have typed in 250 words of The Sun Thief and put it on my group on Facebook. Also wrote 800 new words (no, not new words per se, but new words of The Sun Thief.) If I do 1,000 words a day it could be finished in a month!!!

So today T Mobile messed up the changing over of my wife's new iPad. They cancelled my son's phone instead of her old iPad. Why do we keep having so many problems with mobile phone companies?

Today's elephant joke is:

How do you catch an elephant?
Make a noise like a peanut.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

The Fifth Element

I do not usually blog on a Sunday but I have a coincidence to tell of. This morning I went to a car boot sale. On a stall I saw a special edition Fifth Element DVD. It had two discs and was in a special cardboard packet. I bid the lady down to £1.25. I told her it was one of my favourite films and I hadn't seen it as a DVD before. When I got to another stall inside I saw another one, not as good, for a pound. I told that lady that I had got a good deal on the first one and I couldn't believe I had seen two copies in one day.

When I was driving home with my wife I asked her if she would like to see The fifth Element. She said no, so I said I would see it with my son.

When we entered the house my son said, "Look what's on TV mum, I'm watching The Fifth Element!!! (It was on Channel 5.)

Saturday, 27 April 2013

McFlurry Vs Hash Browns

I went to the pound shop today to buy a writing pad. Because of my bad back I was totally unprepared to babysit today and so didn't take my writing stuff with me. However I got a charging lead for my wife's Samsung phone and one for her iPad. I was able to write 800 words of The Sun Thief though and that brings the total up to about 2,500 words or one of my chapters. Also found a hash browns sticker for free food outside McDonalds. I never go anywhere near a McDonalds before 10.30 so I don't think I'll ever cash it. Tried to swap it with a roadsweeper for a McFlurry token but he told me that he didn't want it and probably wouldn't be able to swap it with anyone.

Today's elephant joke is:

What's grey and has a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday.
(This is not strictly an elephant joke, it's just pretending to be!)

Friday, 26 April 2013

De phased

I planned ideas for 'The Sun Thief' and wrote 250 words and typed in the first 250 words of it. Needed to work out why the mirror earth was partly de phased. Felt quite good about it. Then I messed up my Google language settings and took hours to reset it!!! What a waste of time, I really wanted to write another 250 words!

So the radio presenter from Radio York hasn't replied to me via email, could he really be that busy?

Today's elephant joke:

How do you get an elephant out of the water?

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Panther seen in York!

I typed in the last 100 words of Serasel the Smith and emailed it to myself. I also wrote a 300 word back story to the next bit of The Sun Thief and was then able to write about 200 words more of the story. The back story is called 'Charlie Cradwell and the living dinosaur'.

Now I heard that they were talking about big cats in England on Radio York earlier and so I rang them up to tell them about my future son-in-law's experience:-

I called in about 20 minutes ago. My daughter's boyfriend saw a giant cat on the cycle path in York about 4 years ago. He was cycling towards Somerfield on the cycle path. This big black cat was as big as a dog. He cycled as fast as he could away from the cat. He was stopped by police who asked him to pull in at Somerfield because he was cycling so fast. They asked him if he had been drinking or on drugs. He said he had drunk a Relentless energy drink and had seen a giant black cat on the cycle path.

They didn't use my piece so I have decided to put it on my blog instead.

They also asked for experiences in old buildings that had been sealed up for a long time mine was:-

In the early 1980s some friends and I looked around Reevesby Abbey in Lincolnshire which was derelict. We wanted a large venue for the purposes of running a live role playing venture there. It had not been lived in since the late 1960s. When we accessed the main entrance hall we saw that a large portion of intricate plaster work had fallen from the roof causing hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage. When we went up to the next floor we passed floorboards that had rotted. On the top floor the previous owners had created a breakfast lounge there. In the domed window above two panes of glass were broken. The rainwater had flowed through the opening, through the floors below and destroyed the expensive ceiling in the entrance hall.

They didn't use that either. (A perfect example of a stitch in time saves nine.)

So today's elephant joke is:

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a worm?
Big holes in the garden!

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Tweet Earlier

I looked at The Sun Thief again and came up with a few ideas, but didn't write anything towards it. Managed to re Tweet earlier tonight. Looked at a few beginnings of books on Amazon to get some ideas about prose and description. Chose the wife's name for the giant Morg. It is Garwen, let's hope there's not a satnav or something with that name. Maybe I should have Googled it before I published it on Wattpad...

Today's elephant joke is:

Would you rather have an elephant chase you or a lion?
I would rather have an elephant chase the lion.

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

A bit more

Typed in 200 words of Serasel the smith on my wife's iPad. Only 100 or so to do. Am tired now so am going to have to fully re Tweet tomorrow. Just retweeted those who have re Tweeted me. Looked at 'The Sun Thief' to see if I should write a little more of it.

Here is today's elephant joke:
How is an elephant like a brick?
Neither of them can climb a tree.

Monday, 22 April 2013

Top 10

The 24 has been in the top 10 for Christian fantasy at Amazon most of today. I typed in another 200 words of Serasel the smith. Also added another 200 words to the article I did for Preethi Kashyap. I have just put on part twelve of The Tower on Wattpad.

Today's elephant joke is:

What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
Try picking them up, an elephant is a lot heavier.

Saturday, 20 April 2013

A waste of time.

Both yesterday and today I handed out slips and encouraged people, especially those I saw on iphones, to download my books for free. Over 40 people. I got 1 download from Britain, what a waste of a charm offensive. Maybe my charm was offensive? America has done great though keeping me in the top twenty of Christian Fantasy. I also got an encouraging reply Tweet from somebody who thanked me for the book because it made their day.

So today's elephant joke is:

What do you get if you cross an elephant with an abominable snowman?
A Jumbo yeti.

Friday, 19 April 2013

I am tired...

I am tired and do not want to write my blog :(

I managed to type in 600 words of Serasel the Smith today, better than I thought I would. I have also hand written about 250 words of the third book of Kendra, Kendra and the Wolf-Master. Maintained my #16 slot on Amazon and got another 4 star review!!!

Today's elephant joke is:

Where does a 500 pound elephant sleep?
Where it likes!

Nite nite.

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Day 1 Promotion

So I sent Roy L Murray the cover for my book so that he can put the review on his blog. He has already published the interview I did yesterday. Also finished hand writing Serasel the Smith. I will need to type it up tomorrow. Have been tweeting and retweeting today. Got in to the top 16 of Christian Fantasy today!!!

Today's elephant joke is:

How do you keep an elephant from smelling?
You tie a knot in its trunk!

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

The Promotion

I have written an interview with Roy L Murray today for Connies Brother's Blogspot. Good old Roy, he has also written a review which he will publish when he blogs the interview. I have also written an inspirational piece for Preethi Kashyap to go in her online journal. Have re-tweeted and changed everything for the free promotion of The 24 starting tomorrow. Now have 4 reviews for The 24 and am at a steady 4.5 stars!!!

Today's elephant joke is:

A giant is having Mammoth soup when he looks down and sees something off colour in it, "Waiter," he says, "There's an elephant in my soup!"

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

The 24

Managed to finish the back of the giant at Leeds University, although while in transit his shoulder blade got pressed s little flat. When I finally got home I managed to finish his head and do his neck as well as his loincloth. Then I painted all of the figures, set up the diorama and photographed it (as evidenced by the picture above.) I had to contend with my grand kids while I was painting which was a little difficult, but at least I can say they were there when the picture was taken when they get older. The 24 is now processing via Amazon for tomorrow.

Today's elephant joke is:

'Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing elephants with yellow spots.'
'Have you seen a psychiatrist?'
'No, only elephants with yellow spots.'

Monday, 15 April 2013

The 24 on (nearly.)

The front of the giant is finished, just got to do his back. His feet are enormous! I don't know whether to leave him bald or not? Also put the other leg on the fifth figure. Have put The 24 onto Kindle as a saved project. Let's hope I can get the picture done tomorrow for Wednesday.

Today's elephant joke is:

What's the difference between an elephant and a mouse?

An elephant makes bigger holes in the skirting boards!

Sunday, 14 April 2013

April the 8th

For some strange reason on April the 8th 132 people stopped following me on Twitter??? Maybe they didn't like the particular elephant joke I used on that day? I also found out that 120 people also followed me on that date!!!??? I wonder what was happening on April the 8th?

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Finish one leg

I haven't done much today, half a giant leg. I did twist some wire and added a length to the leg and a foot shaped piece of wire. Planning to at least finish one leg before I go to sleep. Did a little of it in McDonald's, Clifton Moor, while I babysat my grandson. Also bought some paints from Hobby Craft so that I can paint the figures on Monday.

Today's elephant joke is:

'You play draughts with an elephant? He must be very clever.'
'Not really, I beat him most of the time.'

Friday, 12 April 2013


I have sculpted the right arm and hand of the giant and the left arm but no hand. It is getting quite heavy and had to buy some more Milliput so that I can finish the legs tomorrow, hopefully. Put the words on the picture for The Tower cover. Now I am having second thoughts about putting it on FREE tomorrow. I might let it run on Wattpad and then put it on for free.

Today's elephant joke is:

Two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom, boom!

Thursday, 11 April 2013

Fifth figure's hair.

I went to Leeds Uni with my wife today and did a bit of Milliput modelling (NO I didn't dress up as Milliput and do a bit of posing!) Did the fifth figures hair (covered up the ear I broke yesterday), did his left leg and half of his right leg. Did the chest of the giant. Also wrote 500 words of Serasel the Smith, that makes about 700 altogether. Also decided to put The Tower on at Amazon 5 days before I put The 24 on.

Today's elephant joke is:

Why don't elephant's like penguins?
They can't take the wrappers off!

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

The Tower

Added two ears and finished the lips of the giant. It looks better and I put what I've done so far on Twitpic. Added a foot and the arm with a sling to the other figure. Put the first part of The Tower on Wattpad and have got into the top 40 for SciFi.

Today's elephant joke is:

What is the biggest moth of all?
A Mammoth.
(Now I know that that is not strictly an elephant joke but it was in my elephant joke book.)

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Giant's Head

Today I seemed not to do very much. I started on the giant's head and have sort of done the face, though when I looked at it he had no neck or was resting his chin on his neck. So I pared down the Milliput, snapped one of the pieces of wire holding up the head and re-positioned it. Have put a neck on it and it looks better, nice and angry. Also did a little more of the smaller figure, made the arm look a little more muscular and started on the other arm.

Today's elephant joke is:

Why can't you put an elephant in a sandwich?
Because it will be too heavy to lift.
(My daughter chose this joke!)

Monday, 8 April 2013

Started the face

Managed to finish figure 4, sort of, just half of his front left lapel to do. Started on the face of figure 5. All the faces seemed to be getting bigger each figure I sculpted, so I have made 5 smaller. Also started on the wire frame for the giant. It is double the size of the men.

Today's elephant joke is:

What family does the elephant belong to?
I don't know, nobody has an elephant in our street.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Serasel the Smith

Managed to complete two more figures today and have done the feet, legs, hands, face and bow of the fourth one. I might be able to make two more and a giant and still leave myself 5 days to work on the picture of the cover. Wrote about 200 words of a piece of flash fiction called 'Serasel the smith'. It is how Kendra got his blade. I will publish it for free on Smashwords to advertise The 24.

Today's elephant joke is:
What's the difference between a professor and an elephant?
An elephant never forgets!

Friday, 5 April 2013

Many Figures

So I have actually completed one of the figures. The second one is done enough apart from the top of the spear and a little bit under his left arm. The first one I started I have put clothes on, done the bow and cut the arm off and re-positioned it. I have also done the feet and one leg of figure 4. I think I will have to eventually go with however many figures I have for the picture.

Today's elephant joke is:

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill who were weraing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them!

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Not enough of them

I have basically finished the second figure, it is a spearman standing. I just have a little more of his spear to do. I did the feet on figure 1 and a hand and leg and a spear on figure 3. Bent figure 4 into shape and put an arm on it. I am not keeping up to what I want to do, I wanted two figures a day so at the end of 5 days I have 10 figures. I am going to take a photo of the.... As I am writing this I have taken the photos and the figures look good, it's just that there are not enough of them!!!

Today's elephant joke is.

What do you call an elephant that lives in Los Angeles?
An L A Phant!

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Three Feet

So today I managed to sculpt three feet, well two legs and three feet. Also put the hand on I did yesterday. My granddaughter helped me (not so well) to make another frame and put basic Milliput blobs on it to start the thing off.

Today's elephant joke is

How do you know if you've got an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter!

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Flat Head and Shoulders

I started on two more figures today as well as continuing with the one I started the other week. The older one looks a bit fatter and now has a bow. The other one is holding a spear but needs a head and legs and a better body. The third one is just a wire frame with a flat head and shoulders. A flat head and shoulders, sounds like a violent form of shampoo.

Today's elephant joke is...
(I can't seem to find my elephant joke book!)

Monday, 1 April 2013

Today's Elephant Joke.

Managed to finish typing in The Tower. Did a little bit of editing but I will leave the main body of it until I proof read it in a week or so. Tomorrow I will have to get on with the diorama I plan to make. I will also need a short story to put onto Smashwords to help advertise it. I have also thought about the third book in the Kendra series as being something like 'Kendra and the Wolf Master'.

Today's elephant joke is
What game do elephants play in the back of a mini?