The FREE Giveaway!

Monday, 31 March 2014


Today I was still poorly. I told my wife I was suffering from rinitus but she says it is a cold because she has caught it. It is only a mild cough and cold, so maybe my 'eat lots of vitamin C' regimen is working. Did you know you get about 360% of the daily vitamin C you need by eating a yellow bell pepper?

Today's joke is:

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I feel down, I need cheering up."

The doctor says, "Well that's a bit of luck, the circus is in town. There's a funny clown in it as well, the Great Gandolfino, he'll cheer you up."

"That's no good," said the man, "I am the Great Gandolfino!"

(As you can tell, I've watched most of Watchmen.)

Friday, 28 March 2014

The Ritter Rotter

I typed a little of The Tawa in this morning.

On Facebook I was inspired to write a funny ditty. It is below.

The Ritter Rotter

Along the spattered path the ritter rotter rote,
He spittered in the park and fell upon the mote,
Jiggling in the rain it wibble wobbled home,
And clamping to the chair he watched his poodle foam,
A riffedy dee a riggedy daa it took him to his car,
He drove it on a Wednesday,
He drove it very far,
And now the tale is told my dear, my dearest cherry tree,
It seems I've gone quite mad you see,
Both you, and he, and me.

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Captain of her own airship

I have so far done no writing or inputting. I did think about the short story I talked about yesterday. Seeing Lizzie 10 years in the future, the captain of her own airship, protecting the skies above the earth.

I am now trying to input 500 words before I go to bed. (I have managed about 250 but am too tired to go on.)

Today's joke is:

Show me where Stalin is buried and I'll show you a Communist plot!

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Aurora, Texas

Managed to type in 700 words of The Tawa today, 500 on my iPad. Had been thinking about another short story for Lizzie McBean to star in. I think I shall do the Aurora, Texas one I have been thinking about, it is about 10 years into the future from the Theran Chronicles trilogy.

Today's joke is:

Somebody blew all the toilets up at the police station last night, so far they have nothing to go on!

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Before I go to bed

As I said yesterday I didn't get into Starbucks today to do some inputting. I feel less worn out than I did yesterday and so have decided to input some of the Tawa before I go to bed. I have done 301 words so far. I think it is better to do The Tawa first and the cover, then SAASA part 3, then a short story for Attack on Thera.

I also did a little planning for an idea I got yesterday about living in a multiverse.

Today's joke is:

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted!

Monday, 24 March 2014

Some inputting

I have done no writing today. I did write a list last night to fit in some writing this week. To type in SAASA part 3 and also The Tawa. To also proof read Attack on Thera and to do some covers, but probably those next week. I just found out that I'm also not going to Starbucks tomorrow, that's where I was going to do some inputting.

Today's joke is:

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water!

Saturday, 22 March 2014

I am pleased.

I awoke at 4.30 yesterday morning and couldn't sleep. But I did think of the ending to The Tawa. Hooray!!!
I also came downstairs and sort of completed the cover (it's a bit dodgy in places but I have the general outline and if needs be can put it on for now and work on it later.) Then, while babysitting the dogs and grandchildren, I managed to finish writing The Tawa. So I am pleased :)

Today's joke is:

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened!

Friday, 21 March 2014

Possible Alternate Endings

I did some more dots around the lettering for The Victoria Conspiracy. The The is finished and most of the Victoria. It looks quite good. Took the raw document off of Wattpad (that has been being ripped of by an Asian book hoster) and put the first 900 words on. Also thought about two possible alternate endings to The Tawa.

Today's joke is:

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines!

Thursday, 20 March 2014

The Problem

At my daughter's today I used a different drawing package to skew the letters around to make them straight. My daughter also thought it would look better as a plaque, an idea I had considered but which meant more work. Now I have made it look  like a plaque it does look better than just the letters. Still I have not finished The Tawa but I have discussed the problem of the ending with both my son and my wife. Now I have nearly don the cover of TVC I feel better about finishing TT.

Today's joke is:

A day without sunshine is like night!

Wednesday, 19 March 2014


I did finish the lettering for TVC today but the Conspiracy part goes downwards. I will need a different drawing package to change this for the better. Added the picture and put it on Facebook.

I did not finish The Tawa yesterday, though I did do 666 words. So I went to sleep chewing over the problem and sort of came up with a solution to the ending as I was snoozing. The trouble is that now I am fully awake I do not think it will work. So I am confused about how to resolve the end of the story.

Today's joke is:

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why?

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Y to Go

I managed to write about 450 words in Starbucks today while trying to entertain my granddaughter. Then I wrote about another 200 words at the doctors. Also did the rac of conspiracy this morning, only the y to go.

Today's joke is:

"Doctor, Doctor I've come out in spots like cherries on a cake."

"Ahh, you must have analogy!"

Monday, 17 March 2014

You Choose

So I didn't do any writing today. I was poorly, had a stress headache, then guess what, the thing didn't happen that I was getting stressed about! (That means I am either silly or stupid, you choose.)

Today's jokey/quote thing (from me participating in a Facebook conversation.)

I'm a drummer so I speak in paradiddles!

(Now I could have made that longer, something like :-)

"You sirrah speak in riddles!"

"No, as a matter of fact I'm a drummer..."

(Or maybe:-)

"Just as Jesus spoke in parables..."

Saturday, 15 March 2014

The funniest Joke

I didn't do my blog last night or my re Tweeting :( However I did manage to write 223 words of The Tawa when I got home.

I told the funniest joke to three people yesterday and they all laughed, some quite heartily. It has been voted the funniest joke by Daily Mail readers. I did see it on Youtube a couple of weeks back, it is from the 1960's so you may have heard it.

This woman gets on a bus and the bus driver says, "You can't sit at the front with that ugly baby, you might scare the other passengers. Sit at the back."
The woman was fuming by the time she got to the back and sat next to a man. "Do you believe that, he called my baby ugly"
The man replied, "You go and tell him off while I hold your monkey!"

Thursday, 13 March 2014

The Victoria Trout conspiracy

Wrote over 600 words at Leeds Uni chaplaincy today. Only another 1,650 to go. Showed my future son-in-law what I'd done for the title of TVC and he liked it. As I was searching for The Victoria Conspiracy on Google I found out that there's a pop group called The Victorian Trout conspiracy. I'll have to listen to some of their stuff.

Today's joke is:

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any!

Wednesday, 12 March 2014


I wrote 625 words of The Tawa today. If I do a little extra each day I'll finish by Monday. Also worked on the title for TVC. The trouble is though that it stopped saving as a BMP about half way through and started to save as a JPEG which knocks some of the definition out. So I'm going to have to do the spiracy again!!!

Today's joke is:

What do you call a donkey eating oats?

Don Quixote!

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

The Cons of Conspiracy

I managed to write 1,000 words of The Tawa in Starbucks, Monk's Cross today. That wasn't bad seeing as for the first 200 words I was also keeping my grandson entertained and wiping spilt coffee off the table. Only had to wipe my manuscript once when there was a baby changeover. I also did the Cons of Conspiracy today in Paint. Just the piracy to do tomorrow.

Today's joke is:

When the books of Daniel and Revelation come in the mail = Post Apocalyptic.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Lazy day

On Saturday I managed to write another 500 words of The Tawa. I didn't do anything today, had a lazy day and ended up with a headache! I do need to get on with the cover of The Victoria Conspiracy, then proof reading of Attack on Thera. Tomorrow is another day, but so was today, yesterday and the day after tomorrow.

Today's joke is:

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow!

Friday, 7 March 2014

Gusty Wind

So I never did my blog yesterday or re Tweeted everyone I normally do. Felt very tired all day and was told to rest by my wife. I did do a little of the lettering for TVC. Have actually finished the word Victoria today though. Also lost my telephone sock in the gusty wind today :(

Today's joke is:

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it!

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

And and and and and

I managed to write 500 words of the Tawa today while babysitting my grandchildren. Also did a basic Sid head in Milliput which my grandson loved and kept carrying around with him. (Just burned it slightly when I microwaved it for 57 seconds.)

Have looked at the lettering again and it looks better with one row of dints surrounding the actual letters. I have done the 'The' so far. That sounds like trick question. How can you say and 5 times and be grammatically correct?

Somebody was painting a sign. The Horse and Cart. The sign painter had painted the and too close to the horse/cart. Somebody spoke to him about it. "You've painted too close to the 'Horse' and 'and' and 'and' and Cart."

Today's joke is:

I can see exactly six years into the future. I have 20 20 vision!

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Cycling to the Wall

Today I cycled into York and searched around for some crayons in various shops. I had to go to the pound shop to get some. Then I did some brass rubbing on the city walls while chatting to an older couple from London. I also took some photos before it started to rain a little. Didn't do any writing in Starbucks as I was planning to (only 6 lines of trying to decide where the story is going to go next.)

Tonight I have been chopping up the letters from the brass plate to create The Victoria Conspiracy. It doesn't look too bad but I will have to decide whether to chop it close to the letters, keep the divots in or make it black and white like the picture in the middle.

Today's joke is:

What sits in a tree and says, "I'm a pear."

A crazy apple!

Monday, 3 March 2014


Cycled in to Relish today to have a coffee and write 500 words of the Tawa. Part of my trying to keep fit and lose a bit of weight regime.

I also inputted the last 5 pages of corrections for The Victoria conspiracy. Then I put the copyright notice on the front.

I need to cycle into the middle of York to make a brass rubbing of some Victorian lettering. I'm thinking about using it for the type style on the cover.

Today's joke is:

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Saturday, 1 March 2014


I have finally finished proofreading The Victoria Conspiracy :) It's just that I've done it on paper and need to input them into the PC. Managed to do one page before I left this morning, did the rest at my daughter's tonight upstairs on the landing.

Today's joke is:

I wondered why the cricket ball seemed to be getting bigger. Then it hit me.