“What’s the matter with you? You look like the cat who’s eaten the proverbial cream.”
“I am being sent on a top secret mission for the Britannic Government.”
“So what is it then?”
“I cannot tell you, it is top secret.”
“I’ll ask the Author.”
“Go on then.”
“What is it Author?”
“Have you not read the title? ‘Romancing the Drone,’” said I.
“Yes I have and I’ve seen your silly jokes advertising it on Twitter.”
“You follow me?”
“No, I can’t be bothered I just search for you to see what drivel you Twitter about.”
“So which joke did you like best?”
“Well they were all rubbish really but the one with the most redeeming features was ‘Ancient Italians serenade in the aerodrome = Romans Sing the Drome.’”
The Author laughed out loud.
“I can’t believe he is laughing at his own jokes,” noted Sid. “So the book is something to do with a drone and love?”
“What’s the use of being on a top secret mission if all he has to do is ask the Author?” barked Arthur.
“Are you barking again Arthur?” queried Sid, “you’ve been eating dog food again haven’t you.”
Arthur grumped up a bit and breathed on his hand to smell his breath. “I was going to ask you to fly me to the drop off point in your battlesuit but I’m having second thoughts now.”
“Well surely I would need to know what the mission is about if I am going to help you?”
“I have to rescue a top secret drone from the Russians.”
“Varangians,” corrected I.
“Varangians,” reiterated Arthur.
“Arthur didn’t reiterate Author, you only reiterate if you repeat something,” blubbled Sid.
“Oi, I didn’t blubble,” burped Sid. “Aww I hate it when the Author makes me do things I don’t like doing.”
“What is blubbling I wonder?” wondered Arthur.
“It feels kinda funny in your tummy then it blubbles up,” explained Sid.
“Anyway,” continued Arthur, “are you going to help me or what?”
“Am I allowed to? Don’t you need to get permission from TCHQ?”
“They have basically told me I need to use my own resources. I will consider you to be a resource of mine.”
“That’s a new appellation, ‘Sid, the Resource of Arthur’,”
“Are you going to help me or not?”
“Well if I don’t it’s going to get pretty boring really quickly with you talking to yourself all the time thinking you’re funny.”
At about the same time as Arthur was trying to bite his tongue Arianne came back In her car through the secret garage door.
When she had parked, Arthur tried to reprimand her, “You know I do not like you using the secret entrance when you want to drop your shopping off. Why do you think I had the extra garage built for you?”
“Hello darling,” said Arianne as she kissed him, then, “Hello Sid, how are you?”
“Er, fine thanks,” replied Sid hoping that she would not also kiss him. “She’s acting very nice at the moment,” he whispered to Arthur.
“She has just had her prescription increased because …” Arthur cut it short.
“Oh yes, I’ve heard it’s because you’re so difficult to live with.”
Arthur started to chase after Arianne to tell her that he going on a secret mission.
Sid opened a door on the mainframe and took out a dust pan and brush to sweep up some dirt left by Arianne’s tyres.
The doorbell rang and Smithers went to answer it, it was Alf and Trelainne. “Good morning sir, madam, please come in.”
“Hello Smithers,” greeted Trelainne as she brushed by him.
Alf smiled at Smithers as he entered.
“Is Arianne in?” inquired Trelainne.
“Yes madam, she has just returned from the opticians.”
“Oh yes," she said as Arthur and Arianne entered the hallway via the cellar steps, “I heard she needed a stronger prescription because Arthur was so difficult to live with.”
Arianne ignored Arthur and smilingly greeted Trelainne, “Hiiii,” she said in a high-pitched voice.
Arthur talked to Alf seeing as he was not able to annoy Arianne, “I reckon the Author has let everyone know so that he can keep it going as a running joke.”
“I know a running joke,” thought Alf.
“Eh?” ehd Arthur.
“Have you never wondered why your feet smell and your nose runs?”
“Oh very droll Alf. I see Trelainne is not wearing her rose coloured spectacles. Is everything okay on the home front?”
“We are elves and so I naturally predisposed to being calmer, relaxed and more peaceful in our relationships.”
Just then Sid came up from the Arth cave, “Alright pansy?” he shouted to Alf who gritted his teeth and immediately put his rose coloured spectacles on.