The Arth Series

The Arth Series
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Friday, 21 April 2017

The TEABAG Goblins 6

Ruhtra and the others were sailing out of the outskirts of the area surrounding the tower of Awat (though how they got a sailboat to perform on dry land I'll never know, unless I imagined it of course.)
The desk commander called after them, “Oi, you lot, stop!“
But of course they didn't.
He called to the guard, “Call general alarm.”
“I know General Slogbottom and General Ptaan-Ptaan but I don't know who General Alarm is.”
The desk commander spat, “I mean call out the troops, after those goblins, now.”
The guard ran after and the others. So the desk commander scuttered back into his office and called out the troops on the Tannoy like system, “ Now hear this, get after the goblins in the unfeasibly imagined the sail boat.”
And now, on the good land ship Pollilop, the six of them sailed through the last check point and into the wilderness that led to their airship.
“That was easy...” smiled Shill as the unfeasible land yacht came to a halt. “What's happened now?” he turned and asked Ruhtra, who had transformed into a Captain Yellowbeard figure. (Now if that causes copyright problems then he could appear as Captain Dreadbeard.)
“Arr lad, we be out of wind.”
“What, ye ate no beans before ye did the mission?” also acted like a pirate Shill.
“That it be.”
“Foof!“ foofed Shill in derision then noticed an army of goblins chasing after them.
Smetherwick also noticed and ordered, “Quick, off the boat, we need to make a run for it.”
“What, like a chicken run or something, to keep the yacht in?” stupidly asked Tunning-Cymbals.
“Clot!“ clotted Smetherwick who clotted so much that he couldn't move.
Shill grabbed the clotted Smetherwick and set off, followed by the others. Luckily he was heading towards the hidden Talent.
They were going to make it, thought I, before I thought again and decided that if they escaped now then this short story would only be two and a half chapters long, not four. But they were still running to the airship, and, the airship saw them, well Bartram spotted them. Well not spotted, as in drew spots on them, but saw them. And again the ship didn't see them, if it did it would need some kind of AI in it (though a reprise of F10NA might be a good idea!)
The yeti forced the steering arm up and the twin balanced Tesla coils did their work. The Talent floated into the air and towards Ruhtra and the others.
“We're going to get away,” grimaced Shill, not at all reading what I had to say on the matter.
Soft Anne fired up the front Hotchkiss cannons and gave the escapees covering fire. The shells exploded in front of the goblin horde.
“This in't no good,” moaned the desk commander as one of his wooden desk legs was blown off. “Where's Lord D'ark when you need him.”
“Of course, I had forgotten that Lord D'ark was supposed to be in this story but had just read the beginning again and was reminded of it.
“Who stole my unfeasible land yacht!“ screamed D'arkas he flew over to them on his black-winged pegasus (you know, the one he had in The Crying Pennant.)
Holding his busted leg, the desk commander pointed to Ruhtra and the others, “Them Sire.”
D'ark goaded his Pegasus whose wings flapped forcefully, directing it towards the shapechanger.


Soft Anne was still directing the fire at the ground in front of the goblins and, though she saw D'ark on his winged mount, did not think he would be much of a threat.


However, D'ark was an excellent pegasus rider and was able to fly up to Ruhtra and land on him. (Could I make some kind of joke here about Ruhtra turning into a landing strip?)
But before I could think of a relevant joke or pun, Ruhtra had been squashed and turned into his green gelatinous state. The pegasus trampled the green goo at D'ark's command.
“You monster,” cried Shill as he picked up a stump of wood to whack the horse's behind.


This being a cross between a steampunk Victorian world of Thera and the fantasy/sci-fi/horror dimension of the Arth series, D'ark pointed at Shill with his left gauntlet and shot a ray of electricity at the impersonator, “Did that shock you Queen?” he boomed through his megaphone mouthpiece.
The shock had caused Shill to leap about 10 foot in the air and come crashing down upon Vinigrette, who had the wind knocked out of him.


Soft Anne saw all of this happening but did not want to shook at D'ark in fear of hitting the others, “Get me closer!“ she growled at Bartram. And so he forced the footplate down to re-direct the Tesla coil energy into a forward not hovering position. While he did this the female bigfoot grabbed for a scoped rifle, hoping to bring the Dark Lord down in a more accurate way.


“Well that's it, the Dark Lord's dead,” thought I, not wanting to kill him but not wanting to rescue him either.


I didn't have to, Traiton did. The living android thingy saw D'ark mashing the TEABAGs and thought he'd join in. He got between D'ark and Soft Anne's line of sight. When she fired she hit Traiton's adamantium head. The bullet bounced off, but struck him with such force that it knocked him into the black pegasus. This sent D'ark tumbling off and into a ditch.
“You blithering fool!” shouted D'ark, covered in mud, as he saw Shill and three TEABAG goblins climbing onto the Talent. The pegasus flew off and D'ark could do nothing but shake his fist at the escapees and chide Traiton, who was as muddy as he.


The atmosphere was electric, they were buzzing a bit like an Electabuzz in a bee hive.
“We did it yeah!“ yeahed Shill.
The goblins were all looking very pleased with themselves.
“Did you get him?” enquired Bartram from the bridge.
“Of course we did,” replied Smetherwick.
“Where is he then?”
“The big guy dressed as the Queen?” pointed the goblin.
“I thought that was Ruhtra in disguise. Where's Ruhtra then?”
“Err,” erred Smetherwick, “dead?”
“DEAD!” whelped the yeti captain. “Are you sure?”
Vinigrette interjected, “Well, D'ark's pegasus did mash him to bits.”

Thinking for a bit Bartram then reasoned, “Well I never really liked him anyway. Let's get back to base.”

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