The Arth Series

The Arth Series
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Thursday, 20 April 2017

The TEABAG Goblins 5

And then he was falling, but not down, up. What a strange sensation it was. He soon arrived on the
landing of the top floor, followed by Blintington Smetherwick, Tunning-Cymbals and Jamestown
Vinigrette, (and the goblin guard.)
The goblin guard barked orders, as a sheltie may do, "Put him in the cell opposite the special prisoner."
Vinigrette pushed Ruhtra to the left.
"I said OPPOSITE the special prisoner."
So Tunning-Cymbals pushed him in the other direction, then looked at the guard, who was frowning with both hands on his hips.
Smetherwick now pushed him to the centre, then looked back at the guard, who was still frowning.
And so it began, each of the TEABAG goblins pushed Ruhtra in a different direction, Three Stoogily.
The goblin guard looked up and raised his hands, then turned and walked into the down hole to
disappear from this scene.
"Stop it, stop it!" spat Ruhtra as they continued to push him.
Tunning-Cymbals did it one more time, Ruhtra glowered at him.
'Now," squeaked the shape changer, "since we've been left alone, we can get into the cell to rescue
John Shill."
"Which one?" asked Vinigrette.
"Um," pointed Ruhtra randomly, "that one," and pointed to the wrong one. So I forced him to go
to the right one.


Knock on he door.
Oggie the goblin looked round, "Who's that I wonder?" He was mid-way through a critical roll with his space marines. He shook his head and got up to see who was at the door.
"Hello," squeaked Ruhtra, "I've come to play In Her Majesty's Name with her Majesty."
"We're playing a variant of 40k actually."
"In The Emperor's Name?"
"Why yes!"
"I don't mind swapping my D10s for D6s, and using my Praetorians as …"
Oggie thought for a moment, "Er, are you a prisoner?"
"No, part of John Shill's rescue party."
"Oh, so you don't want to play 40k then?"
"No, now do you want us to knock you out or are you going to be part of our team, we need a seventh?"
"Will it hurt?"
"If we knock you out or if you become the seventh?"
"Either...?"
"Either," replied Ruhtra.
"I'll go with the seventh, seeing as I'm a seventh son."
"So seven of seven then, that can be your Borg designation."
"Is that a Swedish name?"
"And what do you know about that Oggie, you are a cloned goblin, a hundred years in the reader's
past and on an alien planet."
"What, aren't I allowed to break the forth wall or what."
"Not yet son, not yet. I'll tell you when you can." At that he turned curtly around and motioned for those rescued and initiated into the TEABAG goblins to follow him down the rabbit hole, (so Christened by me because it sounded like a good name for the fally down fally up tube thingy.)


CHAPTER THREE

As they hit the ground (from the teleportation left thingy) Ruhtra looked ahead. He saw the guardian goblin near the door and sucked some air in through his teeth (now if he had sucked some air in with his teeth that would be weird, or maybe not so much - for a shapechanger.)

Smetherwick spotted this and wondered, "Have you got your full powers back yet?"
Ruhtra squinged a bit and grew full size, "Yes!" then realised, "I can skin him."
"What!" exclaimed Shill because he misunderstood Ruhtra's intent even though he knew the comment was about him.)
"Have you not read Ground Hog War?" the shapechanger asked Shill.
"No, hardly anyone has, no stars on Amazon. (com or .co.uk?) even, well, maybe one five star review from the Author's biggest fan.
Shaking his head, Ruhtra empathised with the Author then explained to Shill, "I can cover you in a thin, disguising membrane, to make you look like a tall goblin."
Hobgoblin?"
"Yes, are you up for it?"
"I suppose so," shrugged Shill, "or this story will never get anywhere."
And so Ruhtra skinned him.
This made them ready to get through the guarded exit. As they walked towards it the guard nodded at them in acknowledgement then pressed the big green button that opened the entrance door. The portal flibbled open. Upon passing through, Rhutra found it difficult to keep his shape, luckily he was not spotted by the guard.

However, the desk commander had a monitor in his office but didn't quite understand what had happened. He thought his screen had gone on the blink and banged it hard with his fist. The monitor wobbled and fell off. He made a cursing sound and then scattered towards the door to look out at the exit.
Ruhtra had just about settled down.


The desk commander saw nothing wrong but still felt uneasy, "What's wrong?" But he didn't answer himself, after all he was a strange looking creature in a made-up sci fi/fantasy, YA type of book, why should he. Nevertheless (but definitely not neverthemore) he decided to act. "To be or not to be..." he started, but as we know, I didn't mean that kind of acting.
Like a crab on a hot tin roof he scattered down the passageway and got there just as the portal had closed. "You fool!" he screamed at the guard.
"What do you mean Desk Commander?"
"I had an uneasy feeling about that party of goblins that has just left."
"Did you act on it, 'To be or not...'"
"Yes," wibbled the desk commander, "I've already done that 4th wall joke."
"Whatever," minched the guard as he hit the green button again to open the doorway.

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